Subtitle: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

Anne Lamott’s writing process seems reassuringly similar to my own, and seems to include just as much struggle. She advises us to write everything that comes to mind, and then later refine it into clarity and grace. A lot of the book is devoted to all the ways [...]]]>

Subtitle: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

Anne Lamott’s writing process seems reassuringly similar to my own, and seems to include just as much struggle. She advises us to write everything that comes to mind, and then later refine it into clarity and grace. A lot of the book is devoted to all the ways we get in our own way, and how sorry she is that there isn’t a more direct route.

“Writing a first draft is very much like watching a Polaroid develop. You can’t – and in fact you’re not supposed to – know exactly what the picture is going to look like until it has finished developing.” Oh good. Maybe I’m doing it right after all.

She emphasizes both looking inside for our own truths, and observing the world around us to flesh out those truths. She reminds to do both with as much detached compassion as we can scrape together.

On character creation: “My friend Carpenter talks about the unconscious as the cellar where the little boy sits who creates the characters, and he hands them up to you through the cellar door. He might as well be cutting out paper dolls. He’s peaceful; he’s just playing.” … “You may want to come up with an image or a metaphor for this other part of you that is separate from your rational, conscious mind, this other person with whom you can collaborate. This may help you feel less alone.” I’ll have to try this – I’d love to feel less alone with my book-writing project!

She keeps a 1 inch square picture frame by her desk to remind her to focus in on one viewpoint and one scene at a time. A whole book is made up of paragraphs. Write the paragraphs, the sentences, the words.

Since I’m struggling with organizing my own book, I noticed that her chapter headings are laconic and her transitions brief. Each chapter meanders among writing class anecdotes, writing advice, snippets of poetry, and life anecdotes. I’m sure she spent many hours crafting each chapter to flow so casually and conversationally. At the same time, it’s good to notice that it reads just fine as it meanders, and my book might be allowed to meander too.

Somehow, at the end of reading this book, I feel less stuck around organizing my own, and more like I’m moving slowly. And that moving slowly is okay, fortunately, since that’s the way it is right now.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Recommended by: Robert Sutton blog post (via Twitter)

It’s a rare business book that focuses on warmth, kindness, and peaceful, loving environments. This compassionate little book, subtitled Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t, does so with clarity and conviction.

In this book, you’ll find:

I liked How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk so much that I read the authors’ prior book.

“Liberated Parents, Liberated Children” was published first, by many years. It tells the story of how the authors and a group of other parents (fictionalized to protect privacy) learned respectful, compassionate communication [...]]]>

I liked How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk so much that I read the authors’ prior book.

“Liberated Parents, Liberated Children” was published first, by many years. It tells the story of how the authors and a group of other parents (fictionalized to protect privacy) learned respectful, compassionate communication and boundary skills from Dr. Haim Ginott.

Over 5 years, they and their families were transformed.

The skills (summarized below) are the same in both books. This book highlights each parent’s journey as they struggle to learn how to honor their children’s feelings, and their own feelings as well.  They share both immediate successes and frustrating stumbles.  Their dedication to finding a better way shines through the pages.

I am grateful to them for persevering, and for publicizing what they learned. I am grateful to Dr. Haim Ginott for creating these skills, and teaching them. I am grateful to all the parents out there dedicated to learning a better way. I wish my parents had had this kind of dedication and support.

From the book’s inside cover:

Find out how the mood in your home can change when you respond:

To crying with: “A scratch can hurt.”
(Instead of “Stop crying. It’s only a scratch.”)

To accidents with: “The milk spilled. We need a sponge.”
(Instead of “Now look what you did!”)

To misbehavior with “Walls are not for writing on. Paper is for writing on.”
(Instead of “Bad boy! No more crayons for you!”)

To messiness with: “It would be really helpful if you would put the juice back in the fridge.”
(Instead of “Why can’t you ever clean up after yourself?”)

To rudeness with “You really hate it when Aunt Harriet pinches your cheek.”
(Instead of “You’re making a big fuss over nothing. Aunt Harriet loves you.”)

To whining with: “It’s really hot for you in here, isn’t it?”
(Instead of “How can you feel hot? It’s cool in here.”)

To carelessness with: “Kids, the door’s open!”
(Instead of “Shut the door! What’s wrong with you?”)

To sibling fighting with “You two are really angry with each other. Why don’t you each write down what happened.”
(Instead of “I don’t care who started it! I just want it ended!”)

Highly recommended to anyone who wants to interact more peacefully and successfully with outer or inner children.

Available at Powell’s Books.

I read the occasional parenting book to find out how I should have been treated as a child, and to learn how to treat myself and others better now.

This book advocates treating children as lovable, capable beings deserving of respect. This shouldn’t sound radical, right?

The examples and exercises teach many concrete, immediately applicable skills, including