Curious, Healing » nonfiction

“8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back” by Esther Gokhale, L.Ac. with Susan Adams

Sonia Connolly — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 01:19:42 +0000

Subtitle: Remember When It Didn’t Hurt

Recommended by: Rosalind Bell

This book is a beautifully photographed and illustrated step-by-step guide to moving well as a human. It is also a carefully crafted sales brochure for the author’s clinic and method, with testimonials sprinkled liberally through the text.

Esther Gokhale (“Go-clay”) grew up in India, studied biochemistry and acupuncture in the US, and, inspired by her own back pain, conducted research on body mechanics in Burkina Faso, India, Portugal, and elsewhere.

She suggests that we integrate stretchsitting, stretchlying, tallstanding, and glidewalking into our lives to regain our birthright of healthy pain-free movement. The foundation of these movements is to allow the pelvis to tip forward so the top is lower in front and the sacrum protrudes slightly in back. The rest of the back remains relatively straight, with the shoulders settled down and back.

In contrast, many of us learned to tuck the pelvis so that if we had a tail, we’d be sitting on it.

The photographs of babies and adults from around the world are gorgeous and convincing. The book is carefully respectful of traditional cultures and full-figured people. I would have liked to see photos of people of color from the USA, and white people from traditional cultures, rather than the strict divide with only white people from the USA and people of color from traditional cultures.

While there is a lot of discussion about cultural influences on posture, there is no reference to the long-term effects of physical and emotional trauma. For some people there is more to healing than learning to move with a stretched back.

I highly recommend this book for the photos, for new ways of observing movement and posture, and for useful exercises to improve the use of your body.

More information about the Gokhale Method.

Available at Powell’s Books.

“The Gift of Therapy” by Irvin Yalom, MD

Sonia Connolly — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 00:59:36 +0000

Subtitle: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients

Recommended by: Rachel Manija

This is a collection of short tips about psychotherapy from a longtime practitioner. I loved his tips about creating a warm, safe, positive relationship with the client and processing the here-and-now of the relationship for clues about how to help the client with external relationships. I loved that he starts with the assumption that he is helping to remove obstacles, because everyone naturally grows and develops given the chance. I loved that he sees himself as a fellow traveler with his clients.

This quote early in the book of German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer expresses our common expectations that life should go well, and that we’ve done something wrong if it doesn’t, and yet it so often doesn’t.

In early youth, as we contemplate our coming life, we are like children in a theater before the curtain is raised, sitting there in high spirits and eagerly waiting for the play to begin. It is a blessing that we do not know what is really going to happen. Could we foresee it, there are times when children might seem like condemned prisoners, condemned, not to death, but to life, and as yet all uncounscious of what their sentence means.

I found the stated assumption that clients are causing their own problems frustrating and condescending. He overtly says he makes that assumption because that is how he can be effective in helping the client. Reminds me of someone looking for lost keys under the streetlight because they can see better there.

Of course it’s true in many cases, and looking at one’s role in a recurring problem can be a fruitful exploration. He seems to say that it is universally true, and does not acknowledge the work a client may already have done in that arena. Some clients need help to stop blaming themselves. I hear an underlying assumption that clients are broken, despite his starting assertion that growth simply requires the removal of blocks.

I think as a white male doctor he has a lot more experience of agency in his life than a lot of his clients, and he would also naturally discuss in his book the clients who benefited most from his approach. It makes me angry that the book made me question myself again on the topic, and I imagine he had that effect on some clients as well.

He repeatedly brings up the damaging effect on psychotherapy of insurance, “managed care,” lower compensation, less training, and “evidence-based” treatments. This book is a defense of long-term therapy toward profound change.

The book is a quick read. I recommend it as a tool to learn about psychotherapy, although I would not personally benefit from a therapist who followed all these practices.

Available at Powell’s Books.

“Self-Compassion” by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

Sonia Connolly — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 05:51:39 +0000

Subtitle: Stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind

Kristin Neff is a psychology professor who focuses on self-compassion. Her book has a lot of helpful information – and also pushed my buttons. I think I’m not in her target audience.

While Kristin Neff talks about some emotional trauma in her life, there is an “us vs. them” feeling when she talks about trauma and mental illness, and an element of blame for self-defeating behaviors that arise from anxiety and self-criticism. It’s hard to read about compassion while feeling the raw edge of judgment.

I think she intentionally simplifies the discussion and examples for her intended audience, and “proves” her ideas by referring to small research studies where she gave questionnaires to college students.

I set the book aside in frustration, but I’m glad I went back to it.

Self-compassion is first compared with self-esteem. Self-esteem is an evaluation of our self-image, where self-compassion is a response to feeling fear, shame, or other painful emotions. Self-esteem depends on comparison and competition with others, where self-compassion reminds us of our common humanity.

To err is human. Better to be human than perfect. Moments of shame and inadequacy feel isolating, but all humans have them. Where do you excel? Where are you average? Where are you less than average?

She suggests gentle caresses, and kind words of acceptance. “Poor darling. This is really hard right now.”

Remember that our actions arise from an interconnected web of genetics, environment, past events, and current resources. Causality and blame are ambiguous. “Judgment defines people as bad vs. good. Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.”

Mindfulness helps us notice moments of suffering before (or while) dropping into blame and problem-solving. It helps us respond rather than react. Suffering = pain x resistance.

“One thing we have little power to change is what goes on inside our own heads. [...] Thoughts and emotions arise unbidden and often overstay their welcome.”

Notice the experience of painful feelings in the body, and send yourself compassion for feeling that way. “Soften, soothe, allow.”

Three doorways into self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, kindness.

“This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is part of life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I give myself the compassion I need.”

Self-compassion can be hard for survivors of childhood abuse because it is sometimes associated with the cycle of alternating kindness and abuse.

Self-compassion doesn’t magically make the negative thoughts and feelings go away.

Self-compassion motivates better than self-criticism, despite what many parents and teachers enact. Love, not fear. “What’s good for you?” instead of “Are you good enough?” Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation.

Sympathetic joy – appreciating others’ success and good qualities allows us to appreciate our own as well, and helps us stay aware of the positive in general. Celebrate achievements, which also come from a mix of genetics, environment, etc.

Through the book, Neff talks about how helpful self-compassion has been with her husband Rupert and son Rowan, especially when Rowan was diagnosed with autism. At the end of the book she describes their adventure in Mongolia, combining horseback riding with shamanism to help Rowan, chronicled in the documentary and book, “The Horse Boy.”

Available at Powell’s Books.

“The Myth of Sanity” by Martha Stout, Ph.D.

Sonia Connolly — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 22:00:14 +0000

Subtitle: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness; Tales of Multiple Personality in Everyday Life

This book contains a therapist’s compassionate, engaging views on people who have Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder) and how they can heal. Martha Stout discusses both specific cases and general themes of survival, courage, integrity, and the process of healing.

After trauma, she says the core question is, “Shall I choose to die, or shall I choose to live?” Those who choose to live, live fully, passionately. Anything less would not be worth the struggle and pain of healing.

Healing requires going back and revisiting traumatic memories while the whole nervous system shouts, “No! Danger!” They don’t all have to be revisited, and perfect recall is not required, but at least a few frozen traumatic memories have to be transformed into narrative memory.

The key predictor of healing is a sense of responsibility for one’s actions. Conversely, prioritizing self-protection above responsibility acts to keep dissociative mechanisms in place. A sense of integrity, or the lack of it, shines through all the dissociative fragments of a person.

We see dramatic portrayals of Dissociative Identity Disorder in books and movies and believe it to be very rare, but most people with DID switch quietly, unnoticed, in higher numbers than we believe. Martha Stout says it is because most people aren’t such good actors, and I think people also try to camouflage switching as much as possible. She validates the anger, frustration, and bewilderment of coping with someone’s quicksilver changes and lack of memory for their own recent words and actions.

She also says that we all dissociate to some extent, whether arriving at a destination without remembering the drive, or being absorbed in a movie, or suppressing “inconvenient” emotions.

For trauma survivors she recommends:

Find help, a steady witness, whether a therapist or a friend.
Be as safe as possible in the present. Provide your nervous system with a calm environment.
Buy comforts, keep a pet, fall in love with silence.
Separate yourself from difficult, crisis-addicted, rageful, and violent people.
Have routines. Make them sacred. Sleep every night.
Meditate.
Keep a journal. Note your dreams.

This book is unreservedly recommended!

Available at Powell’s Books.

“Alchemy of Illness” by Kat Duff

Sonia Connolly — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 00:48:19 +0000

Subtitle: A woman explores the transforming – and, paradoxically, healing – experience of being ill

Recommended by: a client

Alchemists strive to turn lead into gold by heating it alone in a sealed container, a crucible. In the crucible of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Kat Duff turned inward and found healing in the stillness and isolation forced by her illness.

Weaving together symptoms, dreams, mythology, Jungian psychology, and alchemy along with anthropological research into illness and healing, Duff reveals new perspectives on illness. Instead of being an assault or a punishment, illness can be a natural consequence of our history as individuals and communities. She sees her illness as an agent of healing both for sexual abuse she suffered as an infant, and for the land theft her forebears committed against the Sioux tribe in Minnesota.

Duff is careful to avoid the painful idea that “sick people are personally responsible for creating their illnesses through some kind of wrong-thinking or wrong-doing.” Sickness isn’t bad. It just is.

She relates a story about Nan Shin, a Zen nun diagnosed with cancer and struggling with guilt and remorse.

Then an old friend, who was also a Zen student, visited. He threw his arm around her shoulders and wisecracked, “Good Karma, huh? Brings you close to the Way.” Shin wrote later, “The jolt I felt then showed me very clearly that I had been thinking, Bad Karma. Within a fraction of a second the molecules turned themselves round and reorganized. I am flatly grateful to him forever.”

Unfortunately, Duff conflates illness with disability, and occasionally uses phrases like “confined to a wheelchair.” People are not confined by wheelchairs any more than people are confined by bicycles, cars, or any other device that assists mobility.

I recommend this book for its kaleidoscope of new perspectives about illness.

Available at Powell’s Books.

“Seeking Peace” by Mary Pipher

Sonia Connolly — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 04:01:22 +0000

Subtitle: Chronicles of the Worst Buddhist in the World

Recommended by: Bay Area Spirituality Bookgroup

Mary Pipher didn’t expect to become famous for writing “Reviving Ophelia” and she fell into despair after years of touring and speaking engagements. The book covers her despair, her parents, her childhood, and then her healing. She says she is the worst Buddhist in the world because she has trouble sitting still and paying attention.

In the introduction she apologizes at length for having a crisis as a happily married and successful career woman when other people have real problems and real traumas. Then she describes her childhood family’s real problems and real traumas. She did have a fairly ordinary college career and young adulthood, at which point I put the book aside in frustration at its circular approach to the initially-described crisis.

I did pick it up again and read quickly through her healing approach, which included slowing way down, spending a lot of time in nature, trying yoga and massage for the first time, and meditating. She notices her vicious self-critic who cares about whether she is helping others but not about whether she is happy. With time and attention the critic mellows and she comes to a place of more acceptance for herself as she is.

I wish she had noted in her introduction that comparing our crises and traumas to other people’s is a tool of self-criticism rather than compassion. Swallowing our pain because someone else has been hurt more helps no one.

Available at Powell’s Books.

“The Girls Come Marching Home” by Kirsten Holmstedt

Sonia Connolly — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 20:43:54 +0000

Subtitle: Stories of Women Warriors Returning from the War in Iraq

Recommended by: A client.

I learned so much from these detailed descriptions of nearly 20 women soldiers, their deployments, and their returns to the US. What it’s like to be a soldier in a modern war. What it’s like in the war zone in Iraq. What it’s like to be a woman in the military. What it’s like to return from war, changed by becoming a solider, by being wounded, by witnessing and experiencing trauma, to find that home doesn’t fit any more.

Some of the women soldiers were wholly accepted into their units with camaraderie and support. Some experienced sexism and sexual harassment. Women of color experienced racism as well. The ones who were arbitrarily harmed by their fellow soldiers and superiors said that caused them more pain and distress than anything else in their tours of duty.

Many of the soldiers are in their late teens and early twenties. A few are closer to forty, and experience age-related harassment for that difference.

On their returns, the women struggle with distinguishing between “normal” difficulties of reintegration and the more severe difficulties of PTSD and traumatic brain injuries. Some fight being diagnosed with PTSD and some fight for the help they need. They miss the structure, enforced closeness, and clear priorities of military life. The transition from skilled soldier to struggling civilian is a difficult one.

This is not an easy book to read, but I highly recommend its forthright, compassionate look at women returning from the war in Iraq.

Available at Powell’s Books.

“Embracing Your Subconscious” by Jenny Davidow

Sonia Connolly — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 22:12:45 +0000

Subtitle: Bringing All Parts of You Into Creative Partnership: Conscious & Subconscious, Head & Heart, Masculine & Feminine, Adult & Child, Waking & Dreaming

Recommended by: Jenny Davidow

Jenny Davidow’s clear, practical, non-judgmental book covers a surprising array of techniques to make friends with your subconscious. Learn to decode your dream symbols, negotiate inner alliances, create positive endings, take fantasy vacations, transform outdated beliefs, heal your inner child, dream lucidly, connect with your creativity, and widen your choices in your waking life. Vivid examples and detailed exercises encourage you to make these techniques your own.

As seen in the parallel paired contrasts in the subtitle, the book emphasizes stereotypical, Jungian ideas about masculine and feminine attributes. In addition to being passive and receptive, femininity is paired with childhood and innocence. In several examples, women resolve relationship issues, while men resolve career issues.

Both outer relationships and the “inner marriage” between (stereotypical) masculine and feminine aspects are heterosexual, with no discussion of other possibilities.

This book safely skirts the realm of “you control external reality with your thoughts” while offering practical tools to negotiate improvements in your internal reality. Recommended, with the noted caveats.

Available at Jenny Davidow’s website.

Trigger Point Self-Care Manual by Donna Finando

Sonia Connolly — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:03:38 +0000

Subtitle: For Pain-Free Movement

Trigger points are small knots of tension within muscles. They cause local taut bands of muscle fibers and dispersed pain in predictable patterns. Steady, firm but not aggressive pressure helps resolve trigger points and the seemingly intractable pain they cause.

Clear, detailed, and encouraging, this book helps you find and treat your own trigger points. Donna Finando covers each major section of the body, including diagrams of trigger point pain patterns for the relevant muscles. The pain patterns, actions, and stretches are discussed for each muscle.

The full discussion for muscles that affect more than one section of the body is repeated in each section. For example, the scalenes appear three times, since they can cause pain in the neck, shoulder, and down into the arm and hand. Some of the introductory material is also repeated.

The repetition is annoying when reading through the book, but could be useful when using the book as a reference, eliminating the need to flip between sections.

Highly recommended if you have ongoing pain of mysterious origin. Even if the pain has some other underlying source, there may be trigger points involved. You’ll become more familiar with your body as well as reduce pain when you seek out and treat your own trigger points.

Available at Powell’s Books.

“Forgive for Love” by Dr. Fred Luskin

Sonia Connolly — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 01:40:57 +0000

Subtitle: The Missing Ingredient for a Healthy and Lasting Relationship

Recommended by: my sister

There are some good ideas in this book, delivered in a patronizing, lecturing tone with a lot of repetition. Yes, people choose each other for a reason, and it’s useful to remember that when times get hard. No, staying with someone when pregnant and later having more children with them is not always an uncomplicated free choice in our misogynist society.

One of the recommended techniques is deep breathing to calm the nervous system. I liked the explicit tie from nervous system activation (stress) to continued struggles, and from nervous system calming to forgiveness. The more we can calm our nervous systems, the better we feel, regardless of how others behave.

I also liked the repeated statement that forgiveness and acceptance are two different things. One can forgive someone for behaving badly, and still get out of range of their bad behavior.

Being forgiving means understanding that you can’t force your lover to change just because you are uncomfortable, inconvenienced, or disturbed. It is up to you to manage your emotional reactions, not the responsibility of your partner. Once you are able to forgive, you can deal with the [original] problem with dignity and openness, not blame.”

Other good advice: Notice what does work, since our attention is often drawn to what doesn’t work. Be grateful for the blessing of being loved. Change “You must …” to “I wish…” and drop unenforceable rules. Grieve the losses when you don’t get what you want. Both recognize that you are flawed, and give yourself a break. Forgive yourself.

Sadly, the example couples are all heterosexual and all painfully adherent to their stereotypical gender roles, except in two examples where the roles are still stereotypical but it looks like the names have been swapped.

Race, ethnicity, and income are not mentioned, but all the names and stories read as white, European-American, and middle class.

There was one great example where, early in Dr. Luskin’s couple’s therapy career, a man came in with a long list of complaints about his wife. The therapist sat stunned, thinking that the wife deserved combat pay for putting up with this, and finally responded, “If she met your standards, why would this superwoman hang out with you?” His main point was that the wife forgave the husband for being critical. To me, that highlights the difficult line between forgiving people for having human failings, and tolerating abuse.

Recommended as a first book about forgiveness for heterosexual gender-role compliant white people in monogamous couples, or for anyone else who can be forgiving of the book’s weak points.

Available at Powell’s Books.