Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

“The Rails View” by John Athayde and Bruce Williams

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Subtitle: Create a Beautiful and Maintainable User Experience

Recommended to me by: Working with the authors

It took me two years to get around to reading this book, but fortunately (?) my project is on a version of Rails that’s three years old, so it’s a perfect time to read it.

This book is the next best thing to sitting down with Bruce and John to learn about Rails views. It’s organized as a tutorial with specific code examples. It would be beneficial to follow along and actually type in the code, although I didn’t do that.

The language is casual and friendly, with lots of tips, tricks, and best practices. There are some sexist (“marketing guys”) and ableist (“don’t get too insane”) phrases that detract from an otherwise great book.

Website.

Available at biblio.com.

“Disarming the Narcissist” by Wendy T. Behary, LCSW

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Subtitle: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

Recommended to me by: Focusing-discussion list

The person recommending this book spoke of narcissistic wounds rather than narcissistic people. I think it’s useful to have compassion, and at the same time it is easy to lose sight of the people hurt by narcissistic behavior.

The author is a therapist who works a lot with narcissists and couples containing a narcissist. She classifies narcissists as spoiled, deprived, dependent, or combinations of these. She describes abusive childhoods which can sometimes lead to narcissistic behavior. She distinguishes between “moderate” narcissists who might reform after a great deal of work, and “perilous” narcissists who are abusive and unreachable.

The reader, assumed to be in a relationship with a narcissist, is encouraged to hold boundaries more strongly, and be more present and aware. On the one hand the author wants to be helpful and give concrete advice, and on the other hand the most helpful advice I’ve found around narcissists is, “You’re already good enough. You’re already trying hard enough. There is nothing wrong with you.”

If the following sounds like new and useful advice, you might want to read this book.

“Putting yourself in the narcissist’s shoes means trying to sense and genuinely feel his inner world. Specific techniques can help you do this. For example, when the narcissist begins to address you sharply, you could superimpose the face of a lonely and unloved little boy over that of the grown man before you.”

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Art of Empathy” by Karla McLaren

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Subtitle: A Complete Guide to Life’s Most Essential Skill

Recommended to me by: Reading The Language of Emotions

The first part of this book analyzes the six components of empathy, including the ability to sense emotions internally, sense emotions of others, and manage emotions. It continues with a recap of the material in The Language of Emotions, including the recommended skills of burning contracts, conscious complaining, and rejuvenation.

It’s a dense book, and I did not have time to continue before returning it to the library. I’m noting it here because I do want to get back to it eventually, and I think it can be useful for people who are curious about empathy.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Mass” by Leonard Bernstein

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I heard Bernstein’s Mass on the radio as a kid and was hooked by both the words and the music. I bought the double CD set at some point, but hadn’t listened to it for years. I got it out recently, thinking about interfaith. It’s a theater piece of a full Latin mass, interspersed with more modern songs and commentary, written by a Jewish man. It still grabs me, and to my amazement large parts of it are stored in my head.

The odd rhythms struck me, and I looked on Multnomah County library’s website. Lo and behold, they have sheet music for the entire Mass (3 copies), including stage directions. The part that I thought was in 7/8 was in 5/8, and other parts are written in combination 3/4 and 3/8, or 12/8 with a few measures of 6/8 interspersed. I can imagine what the singers and musicians thought as they were learning their parts!

The Multnomah County library has a CD of the music too.

“A Theory of Everything” by Ken Wilber

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Subtitle: An Integral Vision for Business, Politics, Science, and Spirituality

Recommended to me by: David Mitchell

I read this book to learn about Spiral Dynamics, a classification of cultures that makes room for change and values all levels, from bare subsistence to military control to cooperative and aware. The levels are labeled with colors and called “memes” (not the usual Internet meme definition).

A “Theory of Everything” includes these levels, mapped onto quadrants of Interior/Individual (“I”), Exterior/Individual (“IT”), Interior/Collective (“WE”), and Exterior/Collective (“ITS”). The quadrants are also described as Intentional, Behavioral, Cultural, and Social.

The book focuses on how to facilitate a cultural transformation to the next level, from green, relativistic and empathic, but narcissistic according to Wilber, to turquoise, truly holistic and less likely to wreak environmental disaster.

The second section describes various disciplines in “all-level, all-quadrant” ways. Medicine, for example, can look at someone’s emotional state, physical symptoms, availability of care, and social support.

Throughout the book, Wilber refers to his other books. In some ways, this is a condensed summary of his life’s work.

This book felt like an interesting intellectual exercise, ungrounded in intuition or the body. I might agree with some of the conclusions about how to lead a “good” life, but I arrive at them by trying different things and sensing what works for me, not constructing grand edifices and then reasoning from there.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Sea Change” by S. M. Wheeler

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Recommended to me by: s.e. smith at this ain’t livin’

This wild fantasy felt true to me, true to inner journeys and struggles and transformations. It has violence in it, but not a lot compared to the modern fashion, and deaths are grieved instead of being passed over without comment. Heroes, villains, and monsters alike are complex, whole people. Friendships are important enough to endure loss and hardship for.

Definitely worth spending an afternoon on the porch in the sun with this book!

Available at bookshop.org.