Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

“Legacy of the Heart – the spiritual advantages of a painful childhood” by Wayne Muller

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Recommended to me by: Emma McCreary

With warmth and care, Muller describes some of the outcomes of an abusive childhood, or “family of sorrow,” and some spiritual tools that can bring healing.

Near the beginning of the book, he proposes an exercise that resonated deeply with me. (Emphasis added.)

[F]or a single day: Resolve to go through an entire day assuming that you are trustworthy, that all your feelings are accurate, that all your perceptions and intuitions are reliable. As you approach each person or situation, ask yourself the questions, If I knew that I was absolutely trustworthy, how would I handle this moment? What would I do? What could I say that would be true? What would be the right action to settle this situation with safety and clarity?

I wish this exercise had been proposed to me by every healer I’ve seen. I wish everyone in confusion, doubt, and pain could be encouraged to try this, and begin to find their center again.

He takes spiritual insights from Christianity, Judaism, Sufism, Buddhism, and other faiths. As an ordained minister, he is clearly most familiar with Christianity, awkwardly referring to Jews as “Hebrews.”

Each chapter covers a different effect of a difficult childhood, including Pain and Forgiveness, Fear and Faith, Grandiosity and Humility, etc. Some chapters spoke to me more than others, despite his assumption that everyone would have all the issues he mentions.

He can also be prescriptive in some of his exercises, for example suggesting that one speak the words of forgiveness whether one feels them or not. While forgiveness can be powerfully healing, I believe that it cannot be rushed, and forcing the process only prolongs the pain.

Overall, I recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with creating meaning from a painful childhood. As the quote above recommends, keep a careful eye on what resonates for you, and skip over what does not. Different chapters may speak to you at different times.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Gluten-free girl – How I found the food that loves me back… & how you can too” by Shauna James Ahern

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Recommended to me by: Shauna James Ahern’s blog

Ahern describes a childhood filled with packaged and processed foods, and increasing problems with digestion and energy. She forges a new relationship with food as an adult, and finally realizes that she has celiac disease. Whenever she eats wheat or any other food containing gluten, her digestive system attacks itself, causing a multitude of symptoms, including severe lack of energy and digestive distress.

The richly detailed prose glows with her enthusiasm for food and for life. The only downside of the book is that it repeats background material, more like a collection of essays than a single narrative.

I appreciated learning that celiac disease can be present even if the symptoms are not yet at crisis level. I also appreciated the descriptions of gluten-free grains. The warnings about where gluten can hide motivated me to take more care in my kitchen, including replacing my wooden spoons.

I bought this book in hopes of finding a recipe for flourless cake. It has a lot of great gluten-free recipes, but not that one, alas. I ended up using this chocolate decadence recipe instead (with high-quality chocolate) to great acclaim. I do plan to try some of her recipes.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Not Even My Name – From a Death March in Turkey to a New Home in America, a Young Girl’s True Story of Genocide and Survival” by Thea Halo

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Recommended to me by: Joe Graziosi in a East European Folklife Center (EEFC) mailing list post Re: Books on Pontos/Pontian People?

Thea Halo and her mother Sano Themia Halo present a gorgeously detailed first-person account of the countryside, daily life, and people living in a tiny village in the Pontic mountains of Turkey south of the Black Sea in the early 20th century. Equally vividly, they describes the end of that way of life as ten-year-old Themia, her family, and everyone else around them are forced away from their homes on a months-long, heartbreaking death march.

I found myself skipping over the occasional departures from a personal account into paragraphs of historical numbers and dates, and Joe Graziosi notes that these history lessons are “biased and often incorrect“.

I learned about the Pontic people and their peaceful village life. I learned about the little-known genocide of Pontic Greeks, Armenians, and Assyrians in Turkey after World War I. I learned that the Assyrians are a living people, not just a shape on a map in Ancient World History class.

I learned about one girl’s survival, and her decision to act in kindness rather than meanness throughout her life. When she had finally come to relative safety after her horrific journey, I recognized a trauma response in her daily bouts of shivering. I’m glad she finally reached a place where she could receive caring and warmth.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Learned Optimism – How to Change Your Mind and Your Life” by Martin Seligman

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Recommended to me by: Molly Gordon’s Biznik article When the Going Gets Tough, Think Smarter

In a book that combines psychological research and self-help suggestions, Seligman correlates optimism with health and happiness, and pessimism with learned helplessness and depression.

Explanatory styles for positive and negative events are analyzed for being permanent, pervasive, and personal.

Optimists tend to think negative events are temporary, restricted in scope, and externally caused, while positive events are permanent, global in scope, and internally caused. Pessimists tend to think the reverse. Seligman does note that pessimists’ explanations are more accurate, on average.

He recommends ABCDE cognitive therapy to correct explanatory styles. For every Adverse event, notice pessimistic Beliefs, observe Consequences, Distract from or Dispute the beliefs, and observe the Energization that occurs. Techniques for disputing beliefs include evidence, alternatives, implications, and usefulness.

While the ideas are useful, and the scientific research he describes was ground-breaking, the glib, salesman style of the book left me wondering what caveats, limitations, and assumptions were glossed over.

Noticing and questioning beliefs is a powerful technique which has been recommended by many people, framed in many ways. I prefer less confrontational ways of interacting with my own thoughts. The most useful part of this book for me is the new language for analyzing explanatory styles.

While Seligman emphasizes optimism vs. pessimism, I think the big news is his early research on learned helplessness. Once overcome, learned helplessness does not return. For survivors of any kind of abuse of power, this can be the key to recovery.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Traumatic Stress – The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society” edited by Bessel van der Kolk, Alexander McFarlane, and Lars Weisaeth

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This is a collection of research papers by van der Kolk, McFarlane, Weisaeth, and others, chronicling the effects and treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

The first section, Background Issues and History, covers some of the reasons for society’s repeated repudiation of PTSD as a valid diagnosis, and chronic lack of research into effective treatments. I am glad to see these researchers’ firm belief in the validity of traumatic reactions.

Other sections are Acute Reactions; Adaptations to Trauma; Memory: Mechanisms and Processes; Developmental, Societal, and Cultural Issues; and Treatment. The papers are clearly written, but dense, and I read them a few at a time. This is a great reference book for anyone working with traumatized people.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Graveyard Book” by Neil Gaiman

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This story of young Bod Owens growing up in a graveyard sparkles with inviting details and action on every page, drawing me into reading it while I was supposed to be doing other things. I enjoyed the gradual revelations about his caretakers, and the sturdy, matter-of-fact ethics that Bod learns from them.

Like any good fairy tale, this book’s underlying themes are about how to be a good person, how to recognize those who are not, and what to do about them when you encounter them.

Available at bookshop.org.