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Curious, Healing

Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

  • About Sonia Connolly

communication

“The No Asshole Rule” by Robert Sutton, PhD

February 24, 2010 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Recommended to me by: Robert Sutton blog post (via Twitter)

It’s a rare business book that focuses on warmth, kindness, and peaceful, loving environments. This compassionate little book, subtitled Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t, does so with clarity and conviction.

In this book, you’ll find:

  • A definition of assholes (also known as jerks, bullies, tyrants, etc.)
  • The costs of employing them
  • How to implement and enforce a “no asshole” rule, including heartening positive examples
  • How to avoid behaving badly ourselves, including a self-test
  • Survival tips for unavoidable asshole-ridden situations
  • What people get out of behaving badly

The main message:

Treat the person right in front of you, right now, in the right way.

I am delighted to discover that some corporations and academic departments value respect and kindness. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to follow their example.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: business, communication, psychology

“Liberated Parents, Liberated Children” by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

February 4, 2010 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

I liked How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk so much that I read the authors’ prior book.

“Liberated Parents, Liberated Children” was published first, by many years. It tells the story of how the authors and a group of other parents (fictionalized to protect privacy) learned respectful, compassionate communication and boundary skills from Dr. Haim Ginott.

Over 5 years, they and their families were transformed.

The skills (summarized below) are the same in both books. This book highlights each parent’s journey as they struggle to learn how to honor their children’s feelings, and their own feelings as well.  They share both immediate successes and frustrating stumbles.  Their dedication to finding a better way shines through the pages.

I am grateful to them for persevering, and for publicizing what they learned. I am grateful to Dr. Haim Ginott for creating these skills, and teaching them. I am grateful to all the parents out there dedicated to learning a better way. I wish my parents had had this kind of dedication and support.

From the book’s inside cover:

Find out how the mood in your home can change when you respond:

To crying with: “A scratch can hurt.”
(Instead of “Stop crying. It’s only a scratch.”)

To accidents with: “The milk spilled. We need a sponge.”
(Instead of “Now look what you did!”)

To misbehavior with “Walls are not for writing on. Paper is for writing on.”
(Instead of “Bad boy! No more crayons for you!”)

To messiness with: “It would be really helpful if you would put the juice back in the fridge.”
(Instead of “Why can’t you ever clean up after yourself?”)

To rudeness with “You really hate it when Aunt Harriet pinches your cheek.”
(Instead of “You’re making a big fuss over nothing. Aunt Harriet loves you.”)

To whining with: “It’s really hot for you in here, isn’t it?”
(Instead of “How can you feel hot? It’s cool in here.”)

To carelessness with: “Kids, the door’s open!”
(Instead of “Shut the door! What’s wrong with you?”)

To sibling fighting with “You two are really angry with each other. Why don’t you each write down what happened.”
(Instead of “I don’t care who started it! I just want it ended!”)

Highly recommended to anyone who wants to interact more peacefully and successfully with outer or inner children.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: communication, psychology

“How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

January 1, 2010 by Sonia Connolly 6 Comments

I read the occasional parenting book to find out how I should have been treated as a child, and to learn how to treat myself and others better now.

This book advocates treating children as lovable, capable beings deserving of respect. This shouldn’t sound radical, right?

The examples and exercises teach many concrete, immediately applicable skills, including

  • Respect their feelings
  • Listen receptively
  • Jointly look for solutions to recurring issues
  • Praise descriptively
  • Expect positive results

The lessons are illustrated with both Do and Don’t cartoons of children and parents interacting.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who interacts with children, or who wishes their parents had been more skilled.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: communication, illustrated, psychology

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