Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

healing

“Legacy of the Heart – the spiritual advantages of a painful childhood” by Wayne Muller

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Recommended to me by: Emma McCreary

With warmth and care, Muller describes some of the outcomes of an abusive childhood, or “family of sorrow,” and some spiritual tools that can bring healing.

Near the beginning of the book, he proposes an exercise that resonated deeply with me. (Emphasis added.)

[F]or a single day: Resolve to go through an entire day assuming that you are trustworthy, that all your feelings are accurate, that all your perceptions and intuitions are reliable. As you approach each person or situation, ask yourself the questions, If I knew that I was absolutely trustworthy, how would I handle this moment? What would I do? What could I say that would be true? What would be the right action to settle this situation with safety and clarity?

I wish this exercise had been proposed to me by every healer I’ve seen. I wish everyone in confusion, doubt, and pain could be encouraged to try this, and begin to find their center again.

He takes spiritual insights from Christianity, Judaism, Sufism, Buddhism, and other faiths. As an ordained minister, he is clearly most familiar with Christianity, awkwardly referring to Jews as “Hebrews.”

Each chapter covers a different effect of a difficult childhood, including Pain and Forgiveness, Fear and Faith, Grandiosity and Humility, etc. Some chapters spoke to me more than others, despite his assumption that everyone would have all the issues he mentions.

He can also be prescriptive in some of his exercises, for example suggesting that one speak the words of forgiveness whether one feels them or not. While forgiveness can be powerfully healing, I believe that it cannot be rushed, and forcing the process only prolongs the pain.

Overall, I recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with creating meaning from a painful childhood. As the quote above recommends, keep a careful eye on what resonates for you, and skip over what does not. Different chapters may speak to you at different times.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Gluten-free girl – How I found the food that loves me back… & how you can too” by Shauna James Ahern

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Recommended to me by: Shauna James Ahern’s blog

Ahern describes a childhood filled with packaged and processed foods, and increasing problems with digestion and energy. She forges a new relationship with food as an adult, and finally realizes that she has celiac disease. Whenever she eats wheat or any other food containing gluten, her digestive system attacks itself, causing a multitude of symptoms, including severe lack of energy and digestive distress.

The richly detailed prose glows with her enthusiasm for food and for life. The only downside of the book is that it repeats background material, more like a collection of essays than a single narrative.

I appreciated learning that celiac disease can be present even if the symptoms are not yet at crisis level. I also appreciated the descriptions of gluten-free grains. The warnings about where gluten can hide motivated me to take more care in my kitchen, including replacing my wooden spoons.

I bought this book in hopes of finding a recipe for flourless cake. It has a lot of great gluten-free recipes, but not that one, alas. I ended up using this chocolate decadence recipe instead (with high-quality chocolate) to great acclaim. I do plan to try some of her recipes.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Traumatic Stress – The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society” edited by Bessel van der Kolk, Alexander McFarlane, and Lars Weisaeth

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This is a collection of research papers by van der Kolk, McFarlane, Weisaeth, and others, chronicling the effects and treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

The first section, Background Issues and History, covers some of the reasons for society’s repeated repudiation of PTSD as a valid diagnosis, and chronic lack of research into effective treatments. I am glad to see these researchers’ firm belief in the validity of traumatic reactions.

Other sections are Acute Reactions; Adaptations to Trauma; Memory: Mechanisms and Processes; Developmental, Societal, and Cultural Issues; and Treatment. The papers are clearly written, but dense, and I read them a few at a time. This is a great reference book for anyone working with traumatized people.

Available at bookshop.org.

“It’s My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence” by Meg Kennedy Dugan & Roger R. Hock

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book cover

A how-to manual on starting over after leaving an abusive relationship.

This is a well-organized, well-written book for the survivor of an abusive relationship. Common myths, such as, “Anyone who could love an abusive partner must have a serious psychological problem,” are addressed and corrected in each chapter

Topics covered in the book include:

  • Types of abuse, including sexual abuse within a relationship
  • Assessing and ensuring safety after leaving
  • Grief for the loss of the relationship
  • Practical aspects of making a living after leaving

While the authors follow the usual convention of assuming a female survivor and male perpetrator through most of the book, I was glad to see a chapter about gay, lesbian, and transgender relationships and male survivors.

The book is written to “you” the survivor, which led to a feeling of overwhelm and intrusion for me as I read. While the book is written with sensitivity and sympathy, the style also conveys an underlying assumption that the authors understand the experience of being abused better than the reader. This undermines what I see as the most important task of an abuse survivor – regaining trust in one’s internal experience.

This book is a useful resource for anyone working with or supporting survivors of domestic violence and abuse.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Three little words” by Ashley Rhodes-Courter

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22 year old Ashley Rhodes-Courter’s articulate, harrowing memoir of her childhood in the Florida foster care system.

I read it in one sitting, pausing to cry in a few places. The three little words aren’t what you think. She has a journalist’s eye for detail and a poet’s eye for intensity, conveying a child’s confusion without confusing the reader.

I learned about the Florida foster care system, about the power of caseworkers and and the mercy of Guardians ad litem, about both loving and abusive foster parents, and about one child’s path of survival through it all. Through Ashley Rhodes-Courter’s story, I connected with my own childhood longing for rescue and warmth, although I grew up in an “intact” family.

Available at bookshop.org.