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Curious, Healing

Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

  • About Sonia Connolly

nonfiction

“Focusing in Clinical Practice” by Ann Weiser Cornell

April 19, 2014 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Subtitle: The Essence of Change

Recommended to me by: Ann Weiser Cornell’s other books

As a bodyworker who integrated Focusing into my work, it seems that I would be the perfect reader for this book. It contained useful bits of information about Focusing, but my primary experience while reading it was a sense of exclusion.

When I try to put that sense into words, what comes is, “There is a Right Way to do Focusing, and you’re not doing it,” despite disclaimers throughout the book saying that Focusing does not stand alone and each form of therapy has its applications. In the chapter showing how to integrate Focusing with specific types of therapy, the author carefully states that there is nothing wrong with the examples as they stand, before adding Focusing to them.

Ann Weiser Cornell’s first two books emphasize equal partnership in Focusing and acknowledgement of the Focuser’s resilience and resources. That essential respect does not come through when she discusses Focusing in the unequal relationship between therapist and client.

At the same time, Focusing continues to be tremendously useful in my bodywork practice, and I picked up new phrases and understanding of “felt sense” from this book. “How does that whole issue feel now?” “Check in with your body about all of that.” I appreciated the client vignettes and information about types of therapy related to Focusing.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: Focusing, psychology

“The Dance of the Dissident Daughter” by Sue Monk Kidd

March 25, 2014 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Subtitle: A Woman’s Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine

Recommended to me by: Donna Smith

Sue Monk Kidd describes her awakening to the patriarchal values of the Baptist Church and Christianity in general. She describes her transformation in parallel with the myth of Ariadne as she claims the Sacred Feminine instead of an exclusively male spirituality. The writing is clear, evocative, and rich with references to other works, mostly written by women.

As Donna reminded me, the author isn’t required to get everything right at once. She sees her submissive, secondary position, names it, finds a spirituality grounded in the feminine, and dares to speak truth to power. At the same time, she does not name the privilege that allows her to risk marriage and career (but ultimately lose nothing), and travel to Greece for inspiration.

By the end of the book, she notices a solidity and inner authority born out of her search. I believe this is the goal for each of us, to listen inside for the Sacred.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: feminism, memoir, spirituality

“High Tide in Tucson” by Barbara Kingsolver

March 1, 2014 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

Subtitle: Essays from Now or Never

Recommended to me by: Donna Smith

When I first read this book of essays years ago, I became so absorbed that I missed my transit stop. I continued reading on a high, windy platform as I waited to catch a train returning in the other direction. I picked it up again from a friend’s bookshelf while snow-bound in DC. It is still absorbing – I read it in afternoon.

Barbara Kingsolver writes about a hermit crab she accidentally brought home from a beach to Tucscon, and how it maintained rhythms of activity and hibernation far from any tides. The theme of rhythms weaves through the book, including not-knowing times in her life, desperation and despair, and finding her way out again.

I remembered her two-year old deliberately knocking over her glass of orange juice, to her harried dismay, and the resulting meditation on autonomy and the need for slow time. This time I noticed the clear acknowledgements of racism and sexism in our culture.

There is a lovely interlude about her stay in the Canary Islands. People there genuinely like children, rather than grudgingly tolerating them the way United States culture does. She also feels safe walking alone at night there.

Highly recommended.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: memoir, writing

“Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family” by Ellyn Satter

February 3, 2014 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

Subtitle: How To Eat, How To Raise Good Eaters, How To Cook

Recommended to me by: Michelle, The Fat Nutritionist

This book is full of wise, kind advice for adults trying to improve their eating competence. It contains advice for feeding children, like Child of Mine, as well as advice for solo adults, “families of one.” There are recipes, shopping lists, and nutritional facts, some of which contradict what “everyone knows.” For example, eggs, red meat, and full-fat yogurt are all valid, nutritious foods.

The core of the book defines eating competence:

  • Trust yourself and your body around eating
  • Honor your appetite
  • Eat as much as you want
  • Feed yourself faithfully

Ellyn Satter emphasizes a gradual, mindful approach to changing our eating. The book contains reassuring stories about small steps toward eating competence, each one meant to establish self-trust rather than authoritarian rules.

I skimmed in and out of this book, lacking the time and focus to take it all in at once. I plan to digest it a little at a time, in small steps.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: health at any size

“Child of Mine” by Ellyn Satter

January 5, 2014 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

Subtitle: Feeding with Love and Good Sense

Recommended to me by: Michelle, The Fat Nutritionist

I want to learn more about healthy eating, so I looked up books at the library by Ellyn Satter, and this one came in first, which is why I read a book about feeding babies when I don’t have one.

I like Satter’s firm imperative to respect and trust a child’s physical autonomy. She says over and over that children will choose the foods they need and balance their food intake over a week even if a single day’s food does not look nutritionally balanced. Parents control what food is offered when, and children control what and how much they choose to eat. She also emphasizes that children come in different sizes and trying to control their eating to make them larger or smaller simply doesn’t work.

I hadn’t realized that eating is a set of physical skills that each baby has to learn. It requires coordinating all those jaw muscles and the swallow reflex, as well as learning to tolerate a variety of flavors and textures. Satter recommends a patient, gradual approach to teaching children these skills, with a firm (there’s that word again) expectation that the child will share mealtimes with the parents and learn to eat the offered foods eventually. She recommends fixed meal and snack times, with no “panhandling” for food in between.

All Satter’s advice is couched in firm terms. Don’t feed a baby honey for the first year because it might contain botulism spores. Don’t feed a baby wheat cereal for the first year because it might trigger gluten intolerance which is inconvenient. Do feed a baby barley cereal because it’s a more rarely used grain so it’s okay if the baby becomes intolerant of that. (She seems blithely unaware that barley contains gluten.)

I’m not a child and I’m not feeding a child, so I’m not sure how much of this book applies to me. I plan to read one of her books about eating for adults. At the same time, I find myself resistant to her firmness. We had family meals growing up, and that wasn’t a guarantee of healthy eating for me. My mother was eternally on a weight-loss diet, so there were other issues going on. I kept thinking there are more right ways to eat than Satter acknowledges, even while I appreciated her emphasis on autonomy and respect.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: health at any size

“The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” by Debbie Ford

December 21, 2013 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

Subtitle: Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams

I first read this book at least 10 years ago and found it life-changing in both positive and negative ways. Yes, it’s useful to look within myself for qualities I struggle with in others. Yes, it’s useful to acknowledge that we include all qualities, both wanted and unwanted.

No, it’s not useful to believe that I can control others through that process. The author says, “We must choose interpretations that move our lives forward rather than leave us feeling alone and helpless.” Years ago, I read that as a command, as well as self-blame if I felt alone and helpless. Now I see the author’s avoidance of the qualities of aloneness and helplessness, as well as the effects of her privilege and wealth, insulating her from events she truly does not control.

This book contains a lot of practical information and exercises about projection. It’s worth reading with caution to see which ideas work for you. The point of acknowledging projection is to reduce internal pain and suffering, not add more because you don’t get the magical external results the author describes.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: healing, psychology

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