Uncategorized

“The Girl with the Silver Eyes” by Willo Davis Roberts

December 29, 2010 by Sonia Connolly 2 Comments

Recommended to me by: an adult who loved it as a child

This book was published in 1980, back when I was in its target age group of pre-teen kids. I don’t know what I would have thought of it then, but it didn’t go over well in 2010.

Katie, age 9, has silver eyes, telekinetic powers, and an unchildlike self-control. The book does some exploration of what it’s like to be different and lonely. Mainly, though, Katie uses her powers to sneakily hurt bullies. In other words, she behaves like a bully herself. This is neither acknowledged nor discussed in the book.

One chapter was so offensive it knocked me right out of the story. Katie got rid of one babysitter, and her next babysitter is “grossly fat” and the author indulges in every possible negative stereotype about fat people. In addition to being blatantly offensive, it’s bad writing – it reads as if she needed an extra chapter and pulled out a cardboard stereotype instead of doing the work of creating a nuanced secondary character.

I would not recommend this book to readers of any age.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires” by Esther and Jerry Hicks

December 20, 2009 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Recommended to me by: Emma McCreary, and Jeannette Maw

This is the original source for the term “Law of Attraction”, as described by “Abraham” (a collective of Non-Physical Beings) and conveyed through Esther Hicks.

The Law of Attraction is defined as:

Ask (we are doing this all the time with our desires)
Source answers immediately
Allow the response (by matching its vibration – this is the hard part)

According to the book, humans are here to experience contrasts that illuminate our preferences, which lead to desires, which lead to manifestation. We are meant to exist in a state of joyous trust and expectation, which allows our desires to manifest.

If desires are not manifesting, it is because either our vibrations/emotions are not allowing them, or because our attention/requests are focusing on what we don’t want. It is easy to interpret this as victim-blaming, although the book tries to avoid that.

At the same time, it is clearly stated that we are here to experience contrasts, so there is nothing wrong with negative experiences.

It is also emphasized that our emotions are signposts for our thoughts and beliefs, so there is nothing to be gained by denying our emotions, and everything to be gained by noticing them. A list of 22 emotions is arranged from highest vibration (joy) to lowest (despair).

Thoughts are said to attract similar thoughts, so improving vibration is a gradual, incremental process.

The second half of the book contains exercises or games to improve our vibration. To my surprise, several of them are already an important part of my life.

Express appreciation and gratitude.
Notice how you feel, and look for thoughts that feel true and also make you feel slightly better. Repeat.
Meditate.
Clear clutter, gently and incrementally.
Notice the essence and feeling of what’s desired, and look for ways you already have that, or can easily bring it in.

One I plan to add to my toolbox:

At each transition in your day, pause and set an intention for the next segment.

I am less engaged by the games that involve pretending, or ignoring what is happening right now.

Before reading Jeannette Maw’s Good Vibe Blog, I was very skeptical about the Law of Attraction, in part because I had heard about it filtered through many layers of interpretation. I’m glad I encountered her non-judgmental take on it, and that Emma McCreary suggested reading the original source.

I still balk at the idea that reality is entirely malleable. I feel very uneasy and ungrounded with that thought, so I will continue to believe that there are essential truths underlying our experiences.

At the same time, I also believe that it is beneficial to notice our internal environment, and seek out thoughts and experiences that feel better. I see a lot of wisdom and power for healing in this book.

I am sitting with the question of whether our desires are all trustworthy. Is there truly enough abundance to accommodate everyone’s desires? What about environmental limitations, and desires which cause harm to others?

I recommend the book if you want clarity on what the Law of Attraction really is, and if you like reading new ideas and keeping the parts that work for you.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” by Karyl McBride

October 25, 2009 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

A mix of personal memoir, client stories, and self-help advice, this book compassionately details the effects of having a narcissistic mother and shows a pathway for healing.

Narcissism – extreme self-absorbtion and inability to empathize with others – occurs on a spectrum from a few narcissistic traits to full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Women with these traits compete with, control, or ignore their children rather than providing unconditional mirroring and acceptance.

Their children grow up questioning their very right to existence, either piling up achievements to become “good enough”, or hiding from their pain in drugs, alcohol, and acting out.

“A daughter who doesn’t receive validation from her earliest relationship with her mother learns that she has no significance in the world and her efforts have no effect. She tries her hardest to make a genuine connection with Mom, but fails, and thinks that the problem of rarely being able to please her mother lies within herself. This teaches the daugther that she is unworthy of love.”

McBride gives three steps for recovery:

Understanding and diagnosing the problem
Processing the grief and other feelings from childhood
Discovering true preferences, values, and ways of being.

I recommend this calm, thorough, and encouraging book to anyone who finds herself struggling to prove that she is good enough to be seen, honored, and valued.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Three little words” by Ashley Rhodes-Courter

December 17, 2008 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

22 year old Ashley Rhodes-Courter’s articulate, harrowing memoir of her childhood in the Florida foster care system.

I read it in one sitting, pausing to cry in a few places. The three little words aren’t what you think. She has a journalist’s eye for detail and a poet’s eye for intensity, conveying a child’s confusion without confusing the reader.

I learned about the Florida foster care system, about the power of caseworkers and and the mercy of Guardians ad litem, about both loving and abusive foster parents, and about one child’s path of survival through it all. Through Ashley Rhodes-Courter’s story, I connected with my own childhood longing for rescue and warmth, although I grew up in an “intact” family.

Available at bookshop.org.