Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

“How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

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I read the occasional parenting book to find out how I should have been treated as a child, and to learn how to treat myself and others better now.

This book advocates treating children as lovable, capable beings deserving of respect. This shouldn’t sound radical, right?

The examples and exercises teach many concrete, immediately applicable skills, including

  • Respect their feelings
  • Listen receptively
  • Jointly look for solutions to recurring issues
  • Praise descriptively
  • Expect positive results

The lessons are illustrated with both Do and Don’t cartoons of children and parents interacting.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who interacts with children, or who wishes their parents had been more skilled.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Moominland Midwinter” by Tove Jansson

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Recommended to me by: childhood memories

After reading Finn Family Moomintroll recently, I was inspired to seek out Moominland Midwinter, which I also vaguely remembered from childhood.

It’s a quick read, and contrasts quite a bit with the earlier book. The mood is bleaker, as befits a northern winter, and the relationships between characters are more superficial and troubled. The kindness is still there, even when they don’t understand each other very well.

I am relieved to report that there are several strong, independent female characters in this book, including brave little My, careening about on skis.

My favorite character is the troll ancestor, who holes up in the porcelain stove and sends the occasional flake of soot down as commentary.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Integrity Selling for the 21st Century” by Ron Willingham

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Recommended to me by: Bob Poole

A highly structured analysis of how to sell with integrity. The sales process is divided into Approach, Interview, Demonstration, Validation, Negotiation, and Close, creatively abbreviated “AID, Inc.”

Selling skillls are broken down into goal clarity, achievement drive, emotional intelligence, and social skills.

Building relationships, listening, and caring are presented as the key to gaining people’s trust and business. Also, entering interactions with positive expectations encourages people to mirror the positive behavior.

Matching people’s behavior styles is also important to gaining their trust. People are divided into four categories:

  • Talkers (social)
  • Doers (acheivers)
  • Supporters (even-tempered)
  • Controllers (logical)

This was my main stumbling block in the book, since I didn’t strongly identify with the descriptions of any of the types, and had trouble applying them to other people as well.

The Human Behavior model resonated for me much more. We are divided into

  • “I Think” (Intellectual)
  • “I Feel” (Emotional)
  • “I Am” (Creative/Unconscious)

Integrity comes from welcoming thoughts and actions through “I Think” which are congruent with one’s core “I Am” values, producing positive emotions in “I Feel”.

Prosperity consciousness is also addressed, with the suggestion to set near-term, concrete goals, and focus on the feelings that will come with achieving them.

The book presents a thorough analysis of customer-focused selling, and is full of practical suggestions. I think some of the tips are more applicable to career sales people working with large corporations, but there is still a lot of relevant material for a solo business person.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Heaven is Not My Home” by Paul Marshall

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Recommended to me by: a client.

Learning about marketing has taught me a great phrase to avoid frustration with a business’s advertising, selection, or service: “not the target market.” I simply assume that I am not an intended customer of that business, and continue on my way.

Similarly, my Jewish background and mix of Buddhist and Pagan beliefs mean I am clearly not the target market of this book written for evangelical Christians. I had to constantly read around the assumptions that the reader is a Christian, that Christians are marginalized in modern society, and that it is a duty to convert others.

I deeply agree with the core message that, no matter what our beliefs about the hereafter, we need to create meaning in our lives and protect our environment in the here and now. I also agree that the best “witnessing” for any faith comes from daily actions, not words.

I enjoyed the colorful vignettes from the author’s travels as an exploratory geologist. I engaged with the discussion of how to live in the modern world in a principled and ethical way.

I had heard and struggled with the idea that 10% of one’s income should be tithed to charity. I like the Biblically-supported modification presented here, that the tithe includes community celebration, money spent to eat, drink, and be merry in the company of everyone who has lived to enjoy the day. My heart opens to the idea of giving back by celebrating in community.

In the end, the book felt like a handful of fragments rather than a coherent whole. I suspect the connections lie in the parts that did not apply to me.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Finn Family Moomintroll” by Tove Jansson

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Recommended to me by: Ursula Le Guin, while reviewing “The True Deceiver”

I stumbled across Finn Family Moomintroll in my elementary school’s library as a child, and didn’t really know what to make of it, but loved the image of the snow falling, and the creatures curling up safely for the winter.

Re-reading it now, I still love the first chapter where everyone is settling in to sleep for the winter. I also noticed and appreciated this unusual beginning which seems like an ending.

“Everyone” includes Moomintroll, a small endearing creature with a round belly and a big nose, his parents Moominmamma and Moominpappa, and a varied assortment of long-term visitors. When spring comes, they have adventures that always turn out well, in part because of their kindness and positive assumptions about everyone they meet.

The complex household personalities and relationships shine throughout the stories, lightly shown in every interaction. Aside from the occasional scuffle over personal agendas, they show each other great care and tolerance for quirkiness, demonstrating the best of communal living.

The book was first published in Finland in 1948, and was translated into English in 1958. For the most part it has aged beautifully, but its treatment of females is archaic. Moominmamma is primarily concerned with feeding everyone and with keeping track of her handbag, which contains “dry socks and sweets and string and tummy-powder and so on.” The only other female character, the Snork Maiden, does not have her own name (she is the Snork’s sister), and her main activities are flirting with Moomintroll, and getting emotional and irrational about her appearance.

On the positive side, the Hemulen is male, but wears a dress, and no one has a problem with that. Interestingly, I clearly remembered the Hemulen as female from reading the book as a child.

Perhaps my memory gave more weight to the author’s detailed pen and ink illustrations than the pronouns. The map of Moomin Valley at the beginning shows tiny objects and events from each chapter’s adventures. The drawings throughout the book complement the multi-sensory descriptions in the text.

I’m looking forward to reading “The True Deceiver,” which is Tove Jansson’s just-published book for adults. I’m hoping that in the intervening years she has changed how she writes about women.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires” by Esther and Jerry Hicks

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Recommended to me by: Emma McCreary, and Jeannette Maw

This is the original source for the term “Law of Attraction”, as described by “Abraham” (a collective of Non-Physical Beings) and conveyed through Esther Hicks.

The Law of Attraction is defined as:

  1. Ask (we are doing this all the time with our desires)
  2. Source answers immediately
  3. Allow the response (by matching its vibration – this is the hard part)

According to the book, humans are here to experience contrasts that illuminate our preferences, which lead to desires, which lead to manifestation. We are meant to exist in a state of joyous trust and expectation, which allows our desires to manifest.

If desires are not manifesting, it is because either our vibrations/emotions are not allowing them, or because our attention/requests are focusing on what we don’t want. It is easy to interpret this as victim-blaming, although the book tries to avoid that.

At the same time, it is clearly stated that we are here to experience contrasts, so there is nothing wrong with negative experiences.

It is also emphasized that our emotions are signposts for our thoughts and beliefs, so there is nothing to be gained by denying our emotions, and everything to be gained by noticing them. A list of 22 emotions is arranged from highest vibration (joy) to lowest (despair).

Thoughts are said to attract similar thoughts, so improving vibration is a gradual, incremental process.

The second half of the book contains exercises or games to improve our vibration. To my surprise, several of them are already an important part of my life.

  • Express appreciation and gratitude.
  • Notice how you feel, and look for thoughts that feel true and also make you feel slightly better. Repeat.
  • Meditate.
  • Clear clutter, gently and incrementally.
  • Notice the essence and feeling of what’s desired, and look for ways you already have that, or can easily bring it in.

One I plan to add to my toolbox:

  • At each transition in your day, pause and set an intention for the next segment.

I am less engaged by the games that involve pretending, or ignoring what is happening right now.

Before reading Jeannette Maw’s Good Vibe Blog, I was very skeptical about the Law of Attraction, in part because I had heard about it filtered through many layers of interpretation. I’m glad I encountered her non-judgmental take on it, and that Emma McCreary suggested reading the original source.

I still balk at the idea that reality is entirely malleable. I feel very uneasy and ungrounded with that thought, so I will continue to believe that there are essential truths underlying our experiences.

At the same time, I also believe that it is beneficial to notice our internal environment, and seek out thoughts and experiences that feel better. I see a lot of wisdom and power for healing in this book.

I am sitting with the question of whether our desires are all trustworthy. Is there truly enough abundance to accommodate everyone’s desires? What about environmental limitations, and desires which cause harm to others?

I recommend the book if you want clarity on what the Law of Attraction really is, and if you like reading new ideas and keeping the parts that work for you.

Available at bookshop.org.