Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

healing

“The Art of Empathy” by Karla McLaren

by Leave a Comment

Subtitle: A Complete Guide to Life’s Most Essential Skill

Recommended to me by: Reading The Language of Emotions

The first part of this book analyzes the six components of empathy, including the ability to sense emotions internally, sense emotions of others, and manage emotions. It continues with a recap of the material in The Language of Emotions, including the recommended skills of burning contracts, conscious complaining, and rejuvenation.

It’s a dense book, and I did not have time to continue before returning it to the library. I’m noting it here because I do want to get back to it eventually, and I think it can be useful for people who are curious about empathy.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Focusing Student’s and Companion’s Manual” by Barbara McGavin and Ann Weiser Cornell

by Leave a Comment

Recommended to me by: Jael Emberley

I took Focusing classes I and II from Jael Emberley, and bought both parts of the manual, even though the second part is for classes III and IV. Both parts are written in clear, friendly language, and delightfully illustrated by Mary Ferris. Her expressive line drawings of anthropomorphized hares capture the subtleties and humor of Focusing.

Focusing is paying attention inside to an unfolding felt sense about an issue or situation. Somatic Experiencing includes a lot of Focusing. I read Part Two now to learn more about how to be present with merging and exiling of internal “something”s. Suggestions include

  • Use presence language. “I sense something in me that feels overwhelmed.”
  • Turn toward the Something that has Feelings about the Feeling, and might be saying things like, “I don’t want to be scared!” “It’s bad to be angry.”
  • Notice behaviors that come out of Feelings about Feelings, like rushing the process, forcing a choice, analyzing, diagnosing, deciding, fixing, doubting, arguing, and especially criticizing.
  • For critics, sense for what they’re not wanting.
  • Acknowledge parts that are trying to force other parts to Do It Right.
  • Exiling – something is judged as so bad and dangerous it is removed from awareness. As it comes back, the symbols for it might move from inanimate to animate.
  • Exiles need a lot of time and safety to gain trust and come back into inner relationship.

Recommended for learning about Focusing and being amused and touched by the line drawings.

Part One and Part Two are available from FocusingResources.com

“The Language of Emotions” by Karla McLaren

by 2 Comments

Subtitle: What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You

Recommended to me by: a client

I read a couple of books lately that had their good points, but I only got half way through them, and when I started to post about them I had more negative thoughts than positive ones, so I deleted the drafts.

This book was the opposite experience. When it came due at the library and I was only half way through, I went out and bought a copy. While there were aspects that didn’t work for me, overall I encountered a lot of solid, useful insights.

Karla McLaren shares her history as an abuse survivor and an empath, offers simple practices to work skillfully with emotions, and then analyzes how each emotion fits into her framework. All emotions are equally valid, from anger to joy to suicidal urges. Trauma recovery is woven through the book.

Emotions (corresponding with water) are seen as part of an inner village with the intellect (air), body (earth), and spirit/vision (fire). Health is a village in dynamic balance, responding with agility to ongoing events.

The practices she recommends are grounding, defining boundaries, burning contracts, conscious complaining, and rejuvenation.

I’ve found that visualization is a superficial activity for me, so visualizing a grounding cord descending into the earth does not substantially change my energy. Visualizing the destruction of my “contracts” with old behaviors and memories sounds wonderful, but I haven’t seen much effect from cutting cords and similar rituals.

She suggests sending anger into one’s boundary, which sounds like great advice, although I’m not quite sure how to do it. She also says, “People won’t know you’re angry,” which sounds like a bit of judgment about anger sneaking in.

Since these practices form the core of McLaren’s work with emotions, I wish I resonated better with them. I suspect I do some form of them in a more wordless way, sensing rather than visualizing.

The detailed analysis of each emotion includes associated questions to ask or statements to make when the emotion arises, along with gifts the emotion brings and advice on how to integrate the emotion honorably into one’s life.

Emotion Purpose Questions/Statements
Anger Protection and Restoration What must be protected? What must be restored?
Apathy and Boredom The Mask for Anger What is being avoided? What must be made conscious?
Guilt and Shame Restoring Integrity Who has been hurt? What must be made right?
Hatred The Profound Mirror What has fallen into my shadow? What must be reintegrated?
Fear Intuition and Action What action must be taken?
Confusion The Mask for Fear What is my intention? What action should be taken?
Jealousy and Envy Relational Radar What has been betrayed? What must be healed and restored?
Panic and Terror Frozen Fire What has been frozen in time? What healing action must be taken?
Sadness Release and Rejuvenation What must be released? What must be rejuvenated?
Grief The Deep River of the Soul What must be mourned? What must be released completely?
Depression Ingenious Stagnation Where has my energy gone? Why was it sent away?
Suicidal Urges The Darkness Before Dawn What idea or behavior must end now? What can no longer be tolerated in my soul?
Happiness Amusement and Anticipation Thank you for this lively celebration!
Contentment Appreciation and Recognition Thank you for renewing my faith in myself!
Joy Affinity and Communion Thank you for this radiant moment!

There is much more information in the book than I have covered here. Highly recommended!

Available at bookshop.org.

“Healing Back Pain” by John E. Sarno, MD

by Leave a Comment

Subtitle: The Mind-Body Connection

Recommended to me by: Amy Bennett

What Dr. Sarno tells his TMS patients:

  • Resume physical activity. It won’t hurt you.
  • Talk to your brain: tell it you won’t take it anymore.
  • Stop all physical treatments for your back—they may be blocking your recovery.

DON’T

  • Repress your anger or emotions—they can give you a pain in the back.
  • Think of yourself as being injured. Psychological conditioning contributes to ongoing back pain.
  • Be intimidated by back pain. You have the power to overcome it.

Dr. Sarno defines Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS) as chronic pain in muscles and tendons of the back, neck, buttocks, and limbs. He asserts that most back pain is not caused by muscle strain or ruptured disks or past car accidents, but rather by the brain depriving an area of sufficient oxygen for the purpose of distraction from anger or other unpalatable emotions.

The book describes his theory and includes many case histories of people who fully recovered from debilitating pain once they understood that it was caused by repressing emotions. In Dr. Sarno’s experience, most people improve simply by achieving that understanding.

Unfortunately, the book doesn’t contain any suggestions for other ways to deal with emotions, although it does strongly imply that acknowledging them and setting clear boundaries can be helpful.

I think the mechanism is slightly different, tension and pain as a result of suppressing emotions rather than as a subconscious distraction. I still highly recommend this book for a refreshing perspective on chronic pain.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” by Debbie Ford

by 1 Comment

Subtitle: Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams

I first read this book at least 10 years ago and found it life-changing in both positive and negative ways. Yes, it’s useful to look within myself for qualities I struggle with in others. Yes, it’s useful to acknowledge that we include all qualities, both wanted and unwanted.

No, it’s not useful to believe that I can control others through that process. The author says, “We must choose interpretations that move our lives forward rather than leave us feeling alone and helpless.” Years ago, I read that as a command, as well as self-blame if I felt alone and helpless. Now I see the author’s avoidance of the qualities of aloneness and helplessness, as well as the effects of her privilege and wealth, insulating her from events she truly does not control.

This book contains a lot of practical information and exercises about projection. It’s worth reading with caution to see which ideas work for you. The point of acknowledging projection is to reduce internal pain and suffering, not add more because you don’t get the magical external results the author describes.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Mood Cure” by Julia Ross

by Leave a Comment

Julia Ross theorizes that deficiencies in certain amino acids cause emotional symptoms, and taking supplements, as well as generally eating more protein, can quickly and completely resolve most mood problems.

The book is clearly and carefully written, with a lot of “if you experience this, try that” advice. It starts with a Mood-Type questionnaire, and continues with a chapter on each type and what helps.

  1. Under a dark cloud: low in antidepressant serotonin
      main solution: 5-HTP in the afternoon and evening

  2. Suffering from the blahs: low in stimulating catecholemines or thyroid
      main solution: L-tyrosine between meals

  3. Overwhelmed by stress: Low in tranquilizing GABA
      main solution: GABA when stressed

  4. Too sensitive to life’s pain: low in pain-killing endorphins
      main solution: DLPA, D- and L-phenylalanine

Julia Ross recommends a hearty serving of protein for each meal: 3 eggs, or 3-4 ounces of meat, or 1.5 cups of beans. Plus plenty of fats and vegetables. She says several times that weight-loss diets do damage, and has a section headed, “Eat Enough.” There is a section of Good-Mood menus and recipes.

There is far more information in this book than I can even summarize here. It seems worth reading it and trying some of the recommended supplements, although I doubt the results are as consistent and dramatic as claimed.

Available at bookshop.org.