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Curious, Healing

Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

  • About Sonia Connolly

Sonia Connolly

“All Your Worth” by Elizabeth Warren & Amelia Warren Tyagi

October 3, 2017 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

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Subtitle: The Ultimate Lifetime Money Plan

Recommended to me by: Lis

This is a practical, down-to-earth book written in a warm, reassuring style by a mother-daughter team. The authors know that most readers will have a great deal of anxiety about finances, so they try to settle that first thing.

Their plan:
From your total income after taxes
50% Must-Haves
30% Wants
20% Savings

The goal is to get finances running smoothly so that they can be in the background rather than the foreground.

Their plan makes sense to me, which means it’s congruent with the financial advice I absorbed growing up. Minimize debt, even for a mortgage. Reduce recurring expenses as much as possible. Shop carefully for insurance, since it’s essentially betting against yourself. Saving is important. And, as I have learned over time, it’s important to have fun and enjoy life, too.

The plan is based on having a salary, so I’ve been thinking about how to apply it to a sole proprietor business. I think I’ll have to add a second set of categories for the business, and guesstimate the taxes as a straight percentage of income. Still, it seems useful enough to me to be worth going to the trouble of figuring out what my Must-Haves are.

They say Must-Haves are recurring expenses that you can’t put off for six months. Anything else goes into Wants. I think that blurs expenses for maintenance for the house and yard and business. Those can be delayed, but not put off forever. I might add a sub-category for that under Wants and see how much room it takes up. It’s also unclear to me where major expenses like a new roof fall. You save up for them, and they’re optional for a while until something goes wrong and suddenly they’re a Must-Have.

The book was published in 2005, and they have the same cheerfully optimistic advice about the stock market that I received with my first 401k in 1991. After losing my first chunk of retirement savings in the dot-bomb of 2001 and then watching my socially conscious investments stagnate, I no longer think the stock market is a viable savings strategy for socially conscious investors. I haven’t come up with a good alternate strategy, however.

I’ve also seen the rule, 10% of after-tax income for charity and making the world a better place. I was surprised not to see charity brought up anywhere in this book. I suppose that falls under Wants, but to me it seems like an important category. They wanted to keep things very simple.

The last section of the book is about planning for financial emergencies – job loss, serious illness, etc. Plan which Wants to cut first. Plan how to reduce Must-Haves if becomes necessary. It even has a section on how and when to declare bankruptcy.

Recommended for a practical, reassuring way to think about your finances.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: business, finance

“My Brother’s Husband” by Gengoroh Tagame

October 1, 2017 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

book cover

Translated from the Japanese by Anne Ishii

Recommended to me by: Yatima in the 50 books by POC community

Yatima found this graphic novel via its blurb by Alison Bechdel and recommended it enthusiastically. I loved it too.

Mike Flanagan, Canadian white guy, visits his dead husband’s brother and niece in Japan. They are both traditionally Japanese. Yaichi the brother has a lot of unexamined homophobia and buried emotions, but invites Mike to stay with them anyway. Kana the niece didn’t know that men could marry each other, but responds to Mike warmly.

The book handles relationships and emotions tenderly. Kana is adorable. This book is about the small things in life, meals and sleeping and showers, and the largest things, death and loss and love and relationships and coming out as gay.

The characters are kind to one another. There is something to be said for polite emotional reserve. Some drawings show what Yaichi is yelling inside his head, and the neutral things he says out loud.

As is traditional for Manga, the book reads right to left. I had to be careful to read the panels in the right order on each page. Apparently there are more volumes to come!

Highly recommended.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: fiction Tagged With: fun, illustrated, lgbt

“Taming Your Gremlin” by Rick Carson

October 1, 2017 by Sonia Connolly 2 Comments

book cover

Subtitle: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way

The first time I got laid off, back in 1998, we were given day passes to a career center. I dutifully leafed through binders of possible jobs, until a slim book caught my eye. I sat and read all of the first edition of Taming Your Gremlin, enticed by the playful illustrations and clear writing. “Simply noticing” and “playing with options” were exactly the tools I needed.

I ran across it again later and got my own copy, eventually joined by the expanded edition published in 2003. I’ve recommended it a lot since then.

I dug it out recently because I was writing about being nice, and I remembered the “nice person act” in this book. It turns out to be called the “pleasant person act,” but it’s still relevant. We mask our essential selves by acting the way we think we should.

The gremlin is the Inner Critic, the one who tells us that we are unlovable, unworthy, and need to work on ourselves all the time. We can’t get rid of it, but we can tame it by simply noticing, playing with options, and being in process.

Highly recommended!

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: illustrated, psychology

“The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson

September 10, 2017 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

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Subtitle: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

Recommended to me by: a client

I liked the message of the initial chapters, although delivered in a more crass way than I prefer. Rather than avoiding negative experiences and seeking positive experiences, pause and accept what you have and who you are. I agree that thinking that we should be having a more positive experience, and that we could be if only we were doing something better or differently, is a setup for misery.

Instead of trying to avoid problems, try for better problems. I had gotten a sense of this from “Artist’s Way,” that becoming more skilled and successful just means the challenges get bigger. We can seek challenges we enjoy, rather than trying to avoid challenges altogether.

Our attitude toward failure and rejection determines their impact on us. When we step back and look at our deepest values and what we want in our lives, we can weather negative events more easily. Choose what you give energy to, what you “give a fuck about.”

And then, there is a chapter endorsing False Memory Syndrome and saying we should trust ourselves less, which bounced me right out of the book.

Clearly, vulnerable survivors are not the target market for this book. Some of the advice is clearly aimed at young privileged men: stop traveling and having one-night stands so much and settle down in one place, with one woman.

This book reminds me why representation is so important. I’m glad I have the option to read books by people who include my perspective, and the perspectives of other vulnerable people.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: memoir

“Under Plum Lake” by Lionel Davidson

September 10, 2017 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

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I wish I could find the post that recommended this book to me strongly enough to put it on hold at the library. When it showed up, it didn’t look like my kind of thing, but it’s short and pulled me through all the way to the end.

It’s a portal fantasy as a vehicle for the author’s messages about spirituality and humanity’s possible future. I can’t even tell if the very advanced society under the ocean is meant to be aspirational, or a cautionary tale. Their science (sufficiently advanced to be indistinguishable from magic) is certainly enticing, but their main character Dido is arrogant and callously indifferent to his human visitor’s safety.

There is a brief sentence explaining why they all have white hair and green eyes, but it reads as a coverup for yet another future where the people of color have been erased.

It reminded me a little bit of George MacDonald’s children’s books, but the moral lesson was more ambiguous.

Tygertale posts more of the story and excerpts from an illustrated edition.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: fiction Tagged With: childrens, fun

“Through the Shadowlands” by Julie Rehmeyer

August 28, 2017 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

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Subtitle: A Science Writer’s Odyssey into an Illness Science Doesn’t Understand

Julie Rehmeyer chronicles her descent into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and her ultimate ascent into carefully managed recovery. She includes investigative journalism into why Chronic Fatigue and mold sensitivity receive so little credibility and research funding.

She chronicles her relationships as well. She was incredibly fortunate to receive assistance when she needed it, and also incredibly determined to keep surviving and moving forward on her own.

Her mother brought her up as a Christian Scientist, and she herself is a science writer and mathematician. She weaves together her pursuit of medical treatment for her illness along with looking inside for the meaning of the illness and the lessons to be learned. She learns to be in the moment with suffering, and realizes that not all suffering can be solved by trying harder.

With the help of people writing about their experiences on Internet forums, she discovers that extreme mold avoidance and later, careful gradual re-exposure improve her health to a manageable level. She notes that this was her personal experience, and each Chronic Fatigue sufferer responds differently to different possible causes and treatments.

Beautifully written, even the excruciating parts. Highly recommended.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: disability, memoir

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