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Curious, Healing

Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

  • About Sonia Connolly

“Whipping Girl” by Julia Serano

May 13, 2011 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

Subtitle: A transsexual woman on sexism and the scapegoating of femininity

An illuminating book. Julia Serano describes her own experience as a transsexual woman, including the identities she explored before deciding to transition, and the internal and external changes she noticed during transition. She uses her experiences, carefully supported with research, to call out some of our societal assumptions and prejudices about gender.

She proposes that we all have a subconscious sex from birth. For people in whom it matches the body’s sex, it remains unnoticed, and leads to the assumption that it matches for everyone. For people in whom it does not match, it causes ongoing deep pain and sadness. Changing the body’s sex and gender presentation relieves the pain and leads to a sense of rightness instead.

She argues that rather than being marginal in feminism, the treatment of transsexual women is a central issue. Transsexual women are discriminated against because they have chosen to move from a societally more valued class – men – to a societally less valued class – women. She sees transsexual men receiving much less discrimination because they don’t violate the societal preference for maleness.

She notes in the introduction that her biggest challenge in writing the book is addressing several audiences: transsexual people, non-trans academics in women’s, queer, and gender studies, and those who want to learn more about transsexuality and feminism. I fall in the third camp, and found myself less engaged by detailed discussions of academic framing of transsexuality, or interpersonal politics in LGBT groups.

At the same time, I’m glad the material was there. Now I’m aware that many academics view gender as entirely socially constructed, and that transsexuals tend to be marginalized in LGBT groups because many of them express gender in a more stereotypically masculine or feminine way.

She argues that it is femininity itself which is devalued and under attack, being equated with weakness, passivity, and artifice. I see her point that she became more connected with her emotions when she started taking estrogen, and that emotions are devalued in our culture. I also see that women (and men) can enjoy dressing up to please themselves.

At the same time, I struggled with her assertion that femininity is natural. Many attributes I associate with femininity (rather than femaleness) are artificial and mandated by the patriarchy: dieting, makeup to appear youthful, hair sculpted with toxic chemicals, high heels, uncomfortable movement-impairing clothing, etc.

I agree that we need to accept each person’s gender expression as equally valuable, while also working to remove patriarchal manipulations of the expression of femininity (and masculinity as well).

Highly recommended to anyone interested in better understanding feminism, sexism, and transsexuality.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: feminism, lgbt, memoir

“The Golden Key” by George MacDonald

May 13, 2011 by Sonia Connolly 2 Comments

Illustrated by: Maurice Sendak

Recommended to me by: rushthatspeaks

In the afterword, written December 1966, W. H. Auden says, “To me, George MacDonald’s most extraordinary, and precious, gift is his ability, in all his stories, to create an atmosphere of goodness about which there is nothing phony or moralistic.”

My experience of this brief book was the opposite. I saw goodness equated with whiteness several times, and also with beauty. I saw a moralistic and wholly unnecessary aside about cleanliness.

In the (lovely) illustrations, the girl is always leaning on someone or being led or rescued, where the boy is alone or leading or standing sturdily as he talks with someone. The only exception is the last image, where she sits waiting and he approaches.

For all of that it is a whimsical, lilting story, quickly read, with deeper themes of long seeking, endurance, and transformation.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: fiction Tagged With: childrens, fun, illustrated

“Undefended Love” by Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons

April 24, 2011 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

A thought-provoking book, more profound than I expected. Refreshingly, both same-gender and opposite-gender couples are used for the examples.

The authors warn several times to be sure a relationship is not abusive before using it as a crucible for personal work. This is a warning that’s missing from most relationship books I’ve read, which instead blithely assure the reader that one-sided work can fix everything.

The requirements for a close relationship are covered first: Reciprocity, Entitlement, Approval, Consensus, and Trustworthiness, conveniently abbreviated REACT.

In an non-abusive, close relationship, conflicts can help the partners look inward to discover their “Cracked Identity,” pass through the agony of the Black Hole instead of defending against it, and emerge into peaceful, joyous essence on the other side.

This is similar to the process of accepting and integrating past trauma, so that all made sense to me.

I was less comfortable with the hierarchy of needs, wants, desires, preferences, and no preferences. It’s too easy for me to pretend my needs aren’t important when I know it’s “more enlightened” not to have preferences at all. At the same time, I know that an issue will be much less urgent for me if I have processed past associations with it.

Despite the much-needed warnings about abusive relationships, I am still uneasy about the power dynamics that aren’t addressed. Calmly witnessing someone’s deep personal work takes training, and it’s not necessarily healthy for couples to act as therapists for each other. Also, saying that it’s better to act from essence than from personality is yet another judgment of ourselves and each other.

That said, the more people healing their inner wounds, the better!

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: communication, psychology

“The Bards of Bone Plain” by Patricia McKillip

April 19, 2011 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

As much as I loved some of McKillip’s early books, I think I’ve aged out of her target audience. This book seemed put together from bits and pieces of past books, with many cookie-cutter characters and an emphasis on the young adults falling in love and pairing off at the end – heterosexually, of course.

The steampunk trams and cars are new. The princess who goes on archaeological digs is new. Harpists, towers, plains, schools, robes, riddles, shape-shifting, and power tied to the land are all familiar themes, and they seem tossed in piecemeal rather than woven together as they were in the Riddle-Master series.

Several beautiful, musically talented women characters are almost indistinguishable, and they’re all responsible for cooking on top of their other duties. The queen is solely focused on her archaeologist daughter’s “improper” clothing, and an older princess is solely focused on her upcoming wedding.

The book is interesting enough to read to the end, and has some themes around failure and success worth thinking about, but overall I was disappointed.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: fiction Tagged With: fun, young adult

“The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down” by Anne Fadiman

March 31, 2011 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Subtitle: A Hmong child, her American doctors, and the collision of two cultures

Recommended to me by: Emily Ross

This is a beautifully written history of the Hmong people from Laos in the 20th century, interwoven with the story of one Hmong family who took refuge in Merced, California. Their daughter Lia Lee had her first epileptic seizure at age 4 months. Both the family and Lia’s doctors struggle with her illness and with the communication barriers between their cultures.

The Lees are frustrated because Lia continues to have seizures, and her prescribed medicines cause side-effects they don’t expect. The doctors are frustrated because the Lees don’t speak English and “aren’t compliant” with the medicine schedule. Also, the Lees have very little money.

Dr. Arthur Kleinman, a psychiatrist and medical anthropologist at Harvard Medical School, developed a set of eight questions to elicit a patient’s “explanatory model.” After getting to know the Lees, Anne Fadiman answers the eight questions from their perspective. The American doctors continue full-tilt in their own medical explanatory model, unable to consider a different model.

  1. What do you call the problem?
    Qaug dab peg. That means the spirit catches you and you fall down.
  2. What do you think has caused the problem?
    Soul loss.
  3. Why do you think it started when it did?
    Lia’s sister Yer slammed the door and Lia’s soul was frightened out of her body.
  4. What do you think the sickness does? How does it work?
    It makes Lia shake and fall down. It works because a spirit called a dab is catching her.
  5. How severe is the sickness? Will it have a short or long course?
    Why are you asking us those questions? If you are a good doctor, you should know the answers yourself.
  6. What kind of treatment do you think the patient should receive? What are the most important results you hope she receives from this treatment?
    You should give Lia medicine to take for a week but no longer. After she is well, she should stop taking the medicine. […]
  7. What are the chief problems the sickness has caused?
    It has made us sad to see Lia hurt, and it has made us angry at Yer.
  8. What do you fear most about the sickness?
    That Lia’s soul will never return.

My only issue with the book is that chapters about Hmong history are inserted at cliff-hanger portions of Lia’s story, causing me to flip ahead and find out what happens to her. The history is worth reading in its own right and doesn’t need manufactured suspense to pull the reader through it.

Recommended to anyone who wants to learn about Hmong culture and history, medical communication at its worst and best, and the story of one much-loved child.

Available at bookshop.org.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: communication, disability, spirituality, trauma

“The Red Tree” by Shaun Tan

March 30, 2011 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

book cover

Recommended to me by: Mely’s evocative review

A nearly wordless picture book filled with intricate oil and acrylic paintings showing a small, lonely girl’s inner world. A red leaf lies somewhere on each page. Searching for it led me deeper into the paintings’ quirky details.

To Mely, it’s about depression. To one child, it was about worries. To me, it looks like the effect of child abuse, splitting from one’s own body and feeling disconnected from the world.

Highly recommended.

See the author’s website for more images from the book and discussion about it.

Available at bookshop.org as part of the newly released Lost and Found omnibus edition.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: childrens, fun, illustrated

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