Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

Sonia Connolly

“Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes” by Chris Crutcher

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Recommended to me by: Tess Alfonsin

A hard-edged book for teens that takes on multiple tough issues:

  • Children’s cruelty to each other for being fat or disfigured
  • What it’s like to grow up fat or disfigured
  • Surviving parental abuse and abandonment
  • Abortion
  • Hypocrisy
  • Religious intolerance by some Christians

While I applaud the author’s courage in addressing all these important issues, I think the book would have been stronger with at least one fewer sub-plot and more attention to characterization. The major teen characters showed some complexity, but the adults were either all-good or all-bad.

I was caught up in the plot and characters until the book suddenly turned into a thriller with a violent climax. I felt tricked into reading something far more violent than I expected or enjoyed.

I’m glad teens are reading and thinking about all the issues in this book.  I wish the issues weren’t packaged with a violent, all-good/all-bad wrapper.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Relax your Neck, Liberate your Shoulders” by Eric Franklin

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Recommended to me by: a friend who spends a lot of time at the computer.

The book begins, “[M]y head was balancing on a completely loose neck. It actually felt as if it was free of gravity and it was a pleasure to turn my head since my neck felt so supple, my shoulders were light as flufffed feathers, and my breathing was free and deep.”

I would love to feel that way!

The book offers playful exercises and imagery, as well as detailed anatomical drawings to help reach that desired state. The core approach of the Franklin Method is to regain awareness, balance, and relaxation from the inside, rather than impose it externally or forcefully.

One of the exercises: Imagine a tiny balloon at the back of your neck, supporting your skull, and at the same time let your jaw hang down. To me, the feeling of support is palpable, and my shoulders drop away from my ears.

The anatomical information is helpful as well. For example, when a muscle contracts, the long chains of proteins do not curl or bunch up – they slide past each other like the teeth of two intertwined combs. It is much easier for me to envision muscle fibers sliding apart than it is to “relax” or “let go.”

I will continue to use the exercises in my quest for a completely loose neck, and I’ll incorporate the new knowledge into my bodywork practice as well.

Available at bookshop.org.

“How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

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I read the occasional parenting book to find out how I should have been treated as a child, and to learn how to treat myself and others better now.

This book advocates treating children as lovable, capable beings deserving of respect. This shouldn’t sound radical, right?

The examples and exercises teach many concrete, immediately applicable skills, including

  • Respect their feelings
  • Listen receptively
  • Jointly look for solutions to recurring issues
  • Praise descriptively
  • Expect positive results

The lessons are illustrated with both Do and Don’t cartoons of children and parents interacting.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who interacts with children, or who wishes their parents had been more skilled.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Moominland Midwinter” by Tove Jansson

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Recommended to me by: childhood memories

After reading Finn Family Moomintroll recently, I was inspired to seek out Moominland Midwinter, which I also vaguely remembered from childhood.

It’s a quick read, and contrasts quite a bit with the earlier book. The mood is bleaker, as befits a northern winter, and the relationships between characters are more superficial and troubled. The kindness is still there, even when they don’t understand each other very well.

I am relieved to report that there are several strong, independent female characters in this book, including brave little My, careening about on skis.

My favorite character is the troll ancestor, who holes up in the porcelain stove and sends the occasional flake of soot down as commentary.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Integrity Selling for the 21st Century” by Ron Willingham

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Recommended to me by: Bob Poole

A highly structured analysis of how to sell with integrity. The sales process is divided into Approach, Interview, Demonstration, Validation, Negotiation, and Close, creatively abbreviated “AID, Inc.”

Selling skillls are broken down into goal clarity, achievement drive, emotional intelligence, and social skills.

Building relationships, listening, and caring are presented as the key to gaining people’s trust and business. Also, entering interactions with positive expectations encourages people to mirror the positive behavior.

Matching people’s behavior styles is also important to gaining their trust. People are divided into four categories:

  • Talkers (social)
  • Doers (acheivers)
  • Supporters (even-tempered)
  • Controllers (logical)

This was my main stumbling block in the book, since I didn’t strongly identify with the descriptions of any of the types, and had trouble applying them to other people as well.

The Human Behavior model resonated for me much more. We are divided into

  • “I Think” (Intellectual)
  • “I Feel” (Emotional)
  • “I Am” (Creative/Unconscious)

Integrity comes from welcoming thoughts and actions through “I Think” which are congruent with one’s core “I Am” values, producing positive emotions in “I Feel”.

Prosperity consciousness is also addressed, with the suggestion to set near-term, concrete goals, and focus on the feelings that will come with achieving them.

The book presents a thorough analysis of customer-focused selling, and is full of practical suggestions. I think some of the tips are more applicable to career sales people working with large corporations, but there is still a lot of relevant material for a solo business person.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Heaven is Not My Home” by Paul Marshall

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Recommended to me by: a client.

Learning about marketing has taught me a great phrase to avoid frustration with a business’s advertising, selection, or service: “not the target market.” I simply assume that I am not an intended customer of that business, and continue on my way.

Similarly, my Jewish background and mix of Buddhist and Pagan beliefs mean I am clearly not the target market of this book written for evangelical Christians. I had to constantly read around the assumptions that the reader is a Christian, that Christians are marginalized in modern society, and that it is a duty to convert others.

I deeply agree with the core message that, no matter what our beliefs about the hereafter, we need to create meaning in our lives and protect our environment in the here and now. I also agree that the best “witnessing” for any faith comes from daily actions, not words.

I enjoyed the colorful vignettes from the author’s travels as an exploratory geologist. I engaged with the discussion of how to live in the modern world in a principled and ethical way.

I had heard and struggled with the idea that 10% of one’s income should be tithed to charity. I like the Biblically-supported modification presented here, that the tithe includes community celebration, money spent to eat, drink, and be merry in the company of everyone who has lived to enjoy the day. My heart opens to the idea of giving back by celebrating in community.

In the end, the book felt like a handful of fragments rather than a coherent whole. I suspect the connections lie in the parts that did not apply to me.

Available at bookshop.org.