Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

nonfiction

“The ABCs of Autism Acceptance” by Sparrow Rose Jones

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Recommended to me by: AlexSeanchai

I thought the ABCs of autism acceptance would be the basic or elementary level of acceptance. Instead, this is a series of essays on topics starting with each letter of the alphabet: A for Acceptance, B for Bullying, C for (People of) Color, etc. Sparrow Rose Jones is autistic and shares some of their story through the essays.

They started the project out of rage against “autism awareness month” and the Autism Speaks organization, which ignores autistic adults and treats autistic children as a dreadful burden on their parents. Some of the essays carry that edge of fighting back against unacceptable treatment. The book advocates for acceptance, inclusion, and support, rather than awareness, othering, and neglect. “Presume competence, and provide support.” Autism is an intrinsic quality of a person, not something that can be peeled away to find the “normal” child or adult underneath.

Sparrow Rose Jones describes their own experience, and also reinforces that autistic people are not a monolith by including references to other autistic people’s viewpoints. In “E is for Empathy,” they strongly question the assumption that autistic people lack empathy, and also refer to Cynthia Kim’s essay The Empathy Conundrum where she discusses having an empathy deficiency. She distinguishes between not being able to sense someone’s emotions, while still having sympathy for their distress when she perceives it. Autistic people deserve acceptance and support whether or not they can intuit others’ emotions.

From the conclusion:

We have explored some serious and often intense topics. Autism acceptance is about seeing the beauty and living the joy of autism, but there are some very difficult aspects to the Autistic life – some inherent and many imposed on us from outside. Autism acceptance includes understanding our struggles and being compassionate toward us as we seek a better life for ourselves and others.

Highly recommended to learn about one person’s experience of being autistic and an overview of others’ experiences, including statistics about poverty, unemployment, victimization, etc.

Note: The author is now known as Maxfield Sparrow. Website: Unstrange Mind.

Available at bookshop.org.

“freeing the natural voice” by Kristin Linklater

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Subtitle: Imagery and art in the practice of voice and language

Recommended to me by: Nadia Tarnawsky

This book is aimed at actors, but also has useful information for singers, although the one aside about Bulgarian singing does not match what I have learned about that art. And that leads to my summary of the whole book, which is that it is very detailed and knowledgeable within its scope, but does not acknowledge lack of expertise in neighboring realms.

There are many exercises to get in touch with the anatomy of the breath and voice in the whole body, and to release inhibitions that get in the way of free breath and voice.

The only explanation offered for inhibitions is “The young child desperately wanted a cookie and was required to ask in a nice voice, so had to separate voice from emotion.” There is no mention of physical violence, sexual abuse, or neglect that would cause a person to separate voice and emotion.

There is no awareness that reconnection needs to go slowly, with support, and that “resistance” is a clear message to slow down even more. There is one brief mention half-way through the book about working with “light” emotions in the exercises because “dark” emotions might require more support. I wonder how many of the author’s students had overwhelming reactions to these exercises.

Similarly, there is no mention of physical injuries or disabilities that might get in the way of doing these exercises, and no offered accommodations or workarounds.

I appreciate the idea of inviting a sigh of relief, and then observing with the breath and voice do with that. Rather than trying to control the breath and voice, we can allow the body to respond to what we experience and want to express.

The book could benefit from anatomical drawings, since it is based in very specific and detailed anatomy that is only described in text. There are cartoon-like line drawings showing people doing some of the exercises.

Recommended for people interested in the details of embodied voice, with the above caveats.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Care Of” by Ivan Coyote

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Subtitle: Letters, Connections, and Cures

Recommended to me by: Muccamukk

This book made me cry a lot in a good way, a heart-opening way. Ivan (they/them pronouns) says when they are about to go onstage to tell stories, first they imagine their chest opening right up so that the stories can come out of their heart to the audience, collect bits of the audience’s hearts and come back to Ivan.

When the pandemic hit, they were fortuitously at their partner’s home between gigs. There they stayed during pandemic lockdown, answering the special letters they had received over the years with stories and tidbits about lockdown life. The letters are vulnerably open, and the replies are warm, kind, loving. They touch on the loneliness and dangers of growing up trans, the need for mentors and safe community and chosen family when the larger community and blood family are intolerant and cruel.

Highly recommended.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Recollections of My Nonexistence” by Rebecca Solnit

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Recommended to me by: Reading her other books, and her talk at Powell’s Books on zoom with Jia Tolentino on March 9, 2021.

Rebecca Solnit is a powerful, clear, lyrical writer. I thought her memoir might be literary and opaque, but instead it is luminously down to earth.

It contains brief descriptions of violence against women as she describes her ongoing dread that one day she would be the target. She shares the process of finding her voice amid the pressure to remain silent and unheard as a woman.

She describes living in a lovely studio apartment in San Francisco for 25 years, and the gentrification she witnessed in her neighborhood over that time. She invites us along on her widening explorations of the western US and the connections she made with environmentalists, anti-nuclear protestors, and Native Americans defending their land.

At the end of the book she comes back around to violence against women, and the writing of her explosively popular essay Men Explain Things To Me, which inspired the term “mansplaining.” She points out that the #MeToo movement was a tipping point built from many women speaking up and gaining power and gaining allies. We don’t know what may follow from our small actions against big problems. Keep taking the small actions that are available to you.

Highly recommended.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Big Friendship” by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman

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Subtitle: How We Keep Each Other Close

Recommended to me by: Body Impolitic

Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman name the difficulties of putting words to their friendship, and then as the professional writers they are, they go ahead and do it. I was worried that this book would be superficial or didactic, or both, but instead it is an engagingly told story with depth and detail, along with engagingly presented research into maintaining friendships.

They name Big Friendship, Shine Theory (invest in helping people shine rather than competing with them), and the friendweb they create together. They don’t shy away from discussing the hard parts of an interracial friendship.

They talk about stretching to maintain a friendship, and the difficulties of evaluating when stretch becomes strain, and what to do when the stretch feels unequal or too much.

They talk about Deborah Tannen’s term “complementary schismogenesis” (originally from Gregory Bateson) when two people get further and further apart as they try to model what they want from the other person, like one person talking louder and louder and the other talking quieter and quieter rather than asking the other person to speak up or speak more softly.

They reference For the White Person Who Wants to Know How to Be My Friend by Pat Parker.

Ultimately they went to couple’s counseling and learned to talk about their differences as well as the ways they are the same.

Highly recommended.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Betrayal Bond” by Patrick J Carnes, PhD with Bonnie Phillips, PhD

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Subtitle: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships

Recommended to me by: Marie

This book was originally published in 1997, over 20 years ago. I read an edition published in 2019 which had been updated to include references to social media, but which still contains outdated models of trauma, attachment, and blaming the individual for societal patterns.

The book was groundbreaking when it was published in acknowledging that traumatic bonds exist and many people suffer in manipulative and abusive relationships. Those relationships are difficult to leave for a multitude of reasons. Some of them are internal, and the book addresses those. Many of them are external, where people have no other way to get their basic needs met, or feel trapped because society is tipped toward believing and rewarding abusers.

Patrick Carnes specializes in treating addictions and compulsions, especially sex addiction, and the book is based on that model.

He accepts Stockholm Syndrome as a real diagnosis, even though it has been discredited as a victim-blaming invention. See The Myth of “Stockholm Syndrome” and how it was invented to silence Kristin Enmark by Barbara Roberts.

Oddly, the psychiatrist who coined the term “Stockholm Syndrome” never spoke with Kristin Enmark. Neither have present day experts who present misinformation and perpetuate the myth.

More information: The myth of “Stockholm Syndrome” presentation by Allan Wade.

Kristin Enmark was responding to both the hostage takers and a disorganized and dangerous police-state responses, while protecting and keeping solidarity with her fellow captives.

As a 23 yr. woman, Kristin showed extraordinary presence of mind and
determination throughout the ordeal (not infantile regression).

Kristin criticized the police and state response and refused to speak with Nils
Bejerot, who had refused to speak with her during the hostage-taking.

Nils Bejerot, who directed the police response and was in an obvious conflict of
interest, invented “Stockholm Syndrome” to silence Kristin Enmark.

Patrick Carnes also blames the victims of the Jonestown Massacre instead of understanding that they were coerced and trapped. See Coerced Suicide: The Jonestown Deaths, Suicide Bombings, and Beyond by Adam Lankford, Ph.D.

Available at bookshop.org.