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Curious, Healing

Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

  • About Sonia Connolly

“Quiet” by Susan Cain

October 6, 2021 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

book cover

Subtitle: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

Recommended to me by: Leah K. Walsh

This is a carefully researched, well written, engaging book that says, “Introverts really are good enough!” Since I didn’t go in doubting that, I felt off-balance as I read, especially since I thought it would be a book about small business marketing for introverts.

From the summary at the end:

This book is about introversion as seen from a cultural point of view. Its primary concern is the age-old dichotomy between the “man of action” and the “man of contemplation,” and how we could improve the world if only there were a greater balance of power between the two types. It focuses on the person who recognizes him- or herself somewhere in the following constellation of attributes: reflective, cerebral, bookish, unassuming, sensitive, thoughtful, serious, contemplative, subtle, introspective, inner-directed, gentle, calm, modest, solitude-seeking, shy, risk-averse, thin-skinned. Quiet is also about this person’s opposite number: the “man of action” who is ebullient, expansive, sociable, gregarious, excitable, dominant, assertive, active, risk-taking, thick-skinned, outer-directed, light-hearted, bold, and comfortable in the spotlight.

The book starts with the story of Rosa Parks refusing to get off the bus, celebrating her for doing it in a quiet, unassuming way, without saying that racism required someone exactly like that for her role. It does come back to her story later and say that she was already trained in nonviolent resistance.

There are historical portraits of Eleanor Roosevelt, Dale Carnegie, and Steve Wozniak. Interviews with students at Harvard Business School where everything is done in groups, noting how influential the graduates are. Scientific studies involving tormenting monkeys to see the effects of a gene for processing serotonin. (No one seems to note the problems with animal research in books like this.) Other studies showing that group brainstorming is not as creative or innovative as people working alone, unless it’s done online. A longitudinal study showing that babies who are highly reactive tend to become introverted kids and adults.

There is a big emphasis on spouses and “mates.” It’s okay that the introverts were unpopular in high school, because of how happy they are with their mates and kids now. The vast majority are heterosexual. I vaguely remember mention of a gay couple, but it went by fast, in contrast with the extensive profiles of several heterosexual couples.

Gender roles are never overtly discussed, but it feels like this whole book is struggling with what it means to be a good valued person without having qualities traditionally valued in men (see the quote above about men of action).

If you feel defensive about being an introvert and care about the world of influential people, this might be the book for you.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: business, neurodiversity, psychology

“The ABCs of Autism Acceptance” by Sparrow Rose Jones

September 19, 2021 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

book cover

Recommended to me by: AlexSeanchai

I thought the ABCs of autism acceptance would be the basic or elementary level of acceptance. Instead, this is a series of essays on topics starting with each letter of the alphabet: A for Acceptance, B for Bullying, C for (People of) Color, etc. Sparrow Rose Jones is autistic and shares some of their story through the essays.

They started the project out of rage against “autism awareness month” and the Autism Speaks organization, which ignores autistic adults and treats autistic children as a dreadful burden on their parents. Some of the essays carry that edge of fighting back against unacceptable treatment. The book advocates for acceptance, inclusion, and support, rather than awareness, othering, and neglect. “Presume competence, and provide support.” Autism is an intrinsic quality of a person, not something that can be peeled away to find the “normal” child or adult underneath.

Sparrow Rose Jones describes their own experience, and also reinforces that autistic people are not a monolith by including references to other autistic people’s viewpoints. In “E is for Empathy,” they strongly question the assumption that autistic people lack empathy, and also refer to Cynthia Kim’s essay The Empathy Conundrum where she discusses having an empathy deficiency. She distinguishes between not being able to sense someone’s emotions, while still having sympathy for their distress when she perceives it. Autistic people deserve acceptance and support whether or not they can intuit others’ emotions.

From the conclusion:

We have explored some serious and often intense topics. Autism acceptance is about seeing the beauty and living the joy of autism, but there are some very difficult aspects to the Autistic life – some inherent and many imposed on us from outside. Autism acceptance includes understanding our struggles and being compassionate toward us as we seek a better life for ourselves and others.

Highly recommended to learn about one person’s experience of being autistic and an overview of others’ experiences, including statistics about poverty, unemployment, victimization, etc.

Note: The author is now known as Maxfield Sparrow. Website: Unstrange Mind.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: disability, memoir, neurodiversity, psychology

“Pahua and the Soul Stealer” by Lori M. Lee

September 19, 2021 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

book cover

Recommended to me by: Marissa Lingen

A delightful adventure story based on Hmong legends and spirituality with two eleven-year-old Hmong girls as the heroes, Pahua and Zhong. Pahua can see all spirits, which is unusual even for shamans (does the Hmong culture use the word shaman?) and has a companion spirit in the shape of a black kitten, named Miv, which means cat. Zhong is on assignment from her shaman school. There are battles, but no lives tossed away casually. Compassion and successful negotiation get them further than fighting.

The glossary at the end includes pronunciation of Hmong terms used in the story, and the afterword shares Lori Lee’s history as a Hmong refugee who resettled in the US and struggled to fit in, as Pahua does.

Highly recommended.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Filed Under: fiction Tagged With: anti-racism, childrens, fun

“You Can Do All Things” by Kate Allan

September 16, 2021 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

book cover

Subtitle: Drawings, Affirmations, and Mindfulness to Help with Anxiety and Depression

Recommended to me by: The Latest Kate tweet

I liked the image of the little hedgehog lying in autumn leaves saying, “Please try to be on your own side today,” so much that I immediately looked into Kate Allan’s books.

This is a small book, six inches square. Each chapter has brief interludes of text about the author’s experiences of anxiety and depression, followed by a generous number of pages starring a whimsical cute animal saying something encouraging. The chapter ends with three brief tools or coping mechanisms, like “Focus ONLY on what needs to be done TODAY,” followed by a few more encouraging animals.

I was doubtful about some of the sayings, like, “It’s all going to work out fine.” Err, maybe? The book is copyright 2018, so it doesn’t take a long-running global pandemic into account. Some hit closer to home, like the white silhouette of a cat with its back turned, saying, “Being lonely doesn’t mean you’re unloved.”

Some of the animals are fanciful or realistic cats and dogs. Some are mythical, like dragons or unicorns or a mix of different creatures. There is the occasional seasonal tree. There is only one drawing of a person, a young Black woman in a bathing suit saying, “There is no one I need to change for except myself.” In the author photo, Kate Allan appears to be white. I wish an editor had mentioned to her that it’s questionable to include a sole Black woman among images of animals, even if it’s well-meant.

From the introduction,

This is a guide I wrote to younger Kate, the person who hated herself and had no idea how to cope with what troubled her. I’ve included every strategy, affirmation, and coping skill that has gotten me through hard times, from slight worries about how well I’m doing, to incessant suicidal ideation.

Recommended if your brain lies to you regularly (depression or anxiety) and you don’t already know how to cope with that, and you don’t mind that the book assumes all your problems are internal rather than some of them being external, like a pandemic or systemic racism or runaway capitalism or all those at once.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Filed Under: art Tagged With: illustrated, psychology, survival story

“freeing the natural voice” by Kristin Linklater

September 12, 2021 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

book cover

Subtitle: Imagery and art in the practice of voice and language

Recommended to me by: Nadia Tarnawsky

This book is aimed at actors, but also has useful information for singers, although the one aside about Bulgarian singing does not match what I have learned about that art. And that leads to my summary of the whole book, which is that it is very detailed and knowledgeable within its scope, but does not acknowledge lack of expertise in neighboring realms.

There are many exercises to get in touch with the anatomy of the breath and voice in the whole body, and to release inhibitions that get in the way of free breath and voice.

The only explanation offered for inhibitions is “The young child desperately wanted a cookie and was required to ask in a nice voice, so had to separate voice from emotion.” There is no mention of physical violence, sexual abuse, or neglect that would cause a person to separate voice and emotion.

There is no awareness that reconnection needs to go slowly, with support, and that “resistance” is a clear message to slow down even more. There is one brief mention half-way through the book about working with “light” emotions in the exercises because “dark” emotions might require more support. I wonder how many of the author’s students had overwhelming reactions to these exercises.

Similarly, there is no mention of physical injuries or disabilities that might get in the way of doing these exercises, and no offered accommodations or workarounds.

I appreciate the idea of inviting a sigh of relief, and then observing with the breath and voice do with that. Rather than trying to control the breath and voice, we can allow the body to respond to what we experience and want to express.

The book could benefit from anatomical drawings, since it is based in very specific and detailed anatomy that is only described in text. There are cartoon-like line drawings showing people doing some of the exercises.

Recommended for people interested in the details of embodied voice, with the above caveats.

Available at Powell’s Books.

Filed Under: nonfiction Tagged With: bodywork, communication, healing, illustrated, singing

“Knit One Girl Two and other stories” by Shira Glassman

August 21, 2021 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

book cover

Subtitle: Women Reconnecting with Love, Art, Music, and Inspiration

Recommended to me by: Shira Glassman’s tumblr post

A collection of three delightful stories. The first one is summarized as “lighthearted Jewish f/f romance about an indie dyer who falls for the wildlife painter whose art inspired her latest round of sock club.” It’s great to read about women being happily inspired by their surroundings and each other. The story settings are richly detailed, and the emotional connections are kind and warm.

Recommended as a great antidote to reading the news.

Available at Amazon and Shira Glassman’s Gumroad.

Filed Under: fiction Tagged With: fun, lgbt

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