survival story

“When the Angels Left the Old Country” by sacha lamb

March 12, 2023 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Recommended to me by: Soph and Becca.

This is a book about an angel and a demon (and some humans). A Jewish angel, a Jewish demon, and Jewish queer humans, emigrating by ship from a tiny shtetl in Poland to New York.

The angel is obviously, essentially Good, and at the same time it can be oblivious, and its actions can have evil effects. The demon is selfish and encourages wickedness, and its actions can have ultimately good effects. They are conflicted within themselves, argue endlessly with each other, and love and need each other deeply. This complexity and debate around questions of good and evil, intent and action, are quintessentially Jewish, in contrast to a single clear polarizing answer.

Of course some immigrants were queer, and of course some of them would fall in love with each other. As a Jewish queer human myself, it was surprising and delightful to feel recognized in the world of this book, permeated with Yiddish phrases and Jewish mysticism.

The prose is a pleasure to read, tumbling from one scene to the next and only occasionally allowing the uncertainty and danger to ratchet too high. The outcome is satisfying neat, even if full repentance is a little unexpected.

Highly recommended!

Available at bookshop.org.

“North to Freedom” by Anne Holm

January 21, 2022 by Sonia Connolly 2 Comments

This is one of the books I’ve carried from place to place since I was a kid. I took it down from the shelf to see if it was time to pass it along, and ended up reading the whole thing. I didn’t remember much about the plot, but a few fragmentary scenes had stayed with me. It was published in 1963 in Danish, and translated into English in 1965.

A twelve-year-old child named David has been raised in a concentration camp, escapes with the puzzling help of the Commandant, and is now crossing Europe alone to get to Denmark. He is sturdy, quick-witted, and speaks several languages, having learned them from various fellow prisoners.

The writing is emotionally authentic without trying to terrify the reader. David talks about his fear, and also how he has learned to calm himself. He passes through hope and despair. He learns to be more present in his body, and connects passionately to the beauty of the land around him. He also connects tentatively, warily, with other humans.

People see him with compassion and help him on his way, and also see the strangeness in him. With his mix of social ignorance and calm self-possession, it’s obvious he hasn’t had a normal childhood.

In passing, David is noted as a rare name, which was surprising since it has been in the top 35 names since 1880 in the US, and was ranked first in 1960. I have been in a mid-size software engineering organization that literally had more Davids than women. Apparently it was less popular in Denmark in the 1960s.

When I last read the book, I was around David’s age, and simply accepted the plot. Now I see the underlying social and religious messages (added with a light hand), and the overall metaphor for healing from abuse and reconnecting with people.

David values intelligence and devalues people for being “stupid.” I could see a twelve-year-old boy having that attitude, and I wish the author had made it clear that intellectual ability does not correlate with intrinsic moral value. There is also some borderline fat-judgment. David tends to see people as all bad or all good. The plot does engage with the ambiguity of people who are both.

Highly recommended, despite those caveats.

Available at bookshop.org.

“You Don’t Look Adopted” by Anne Heffron

December 26, 2021 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

Recommended to me by: an adopted client

Anne Heffron shines a light on the seams that adoption leaves behind, by sharing her story and her thoughts with painful honesty. She was adopted into a “good” (white, middle class, well-intentioned) family and is pressured by her emotionally fragile mother and all of society to act like her adoption was a blip that no longer affected her. But she feels chaotic and terrified inside. When her life has entirely fallen apart, she finally writes the book she always wanted to write.

“In a parallel universe, the universe of my imagination, I was sitting at an entirely different table with entirely different people, eating entirely different food, so it seemed pointless to give myself one hundred percent to my life.”

“I have heard too many stories to think adoption is something that happens at birth or in childhood and then fades into I am part of this family with no repercussions—no emotional issues, no health issues, no fear of future abandonment, no fear of loss.”

“I want to write the book that, if I had read it at seventeen, I wouldn’t have felt so badly about myself, so wrong, so destined for a shaky future.”

The book is written in brief sections with all-caps headers. Distractingly, the headers are sometimes at the bottom of one page and the section continues on the next page. She says the book is written in fragments to express her sense of being fragmented inside.

Highly recommended to anyone who is involved with adoption (adoptee, birth family, adopted family) or wants to understand adoption better.

Anne Heffron’s website.

Available at Amazon.

“You Can Do All Things” by Kate Allan

September 16, 2021 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Subtitle: Drawings, Affirmations, and Mindfulness to Help with Anxiety and Depression

Recommended to me by: The Latest Kate tweet

I liked the image of the little hedgehog lying in autumn leaves saying, “Please try to be on your own side today,” so much that I immediately looked into Kate Allan’s books.

This is a small book, six inches square. Each chapter has brief interludes of text about the author’s experiences of anxiety and depression, followed by a generous number of pages starring a whimsical cute animal saying something encouraging. The chapter ends with three brief tools or coping mechanisms, like “Focus ONLY on what needs to be done TODAY,” followed by a few more encouraging animals.

I was doubtful about some of the sayings, like, “It’s all going to work out fine.” Err, maybe? The book is copyright 2018, so it doesn’t take a long-running global pandemic into account. Some hit closer to home, like the white silhouette of a cat with its back turned, saying, “Being lonely doesn’t mean you’re unloved.”

Some of the animals are fanciful or realistic cats and dogs. Some are mythical, like dragons or unicorns or a mix of different creatures. There is the occasional seasonal tree. There is only one drawing of a person, a young Black woman in a bathing suit saying, “There is no one I need to change for except myself.” In the author photo, Kate Allan appears to be white. I wish an editor had mentioned to her that it’s questionable to include a sole Black woman among images of animals, even if it’s well-meant.

From the introduction,

This is a guide I wrote to younger Kate, the person who hated herself and had no idea how to cope with what troubled her. I’ve included every strategy, affirmation, and coping skill that has gotten me through hard times, from slight worries about how well I’m doing, to incessant suicidal ideation.

Recommended if your brain lies to you regularly (depression or anxiety) and you don’t already know how to cope with that, and you don’t mind that the book assumes all your problems are internal rather than some of them being external, like a pandemic or systemic racism or runaway capitalism or all those at once.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Noopiming” by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson

July 21, 2021 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

Subtitle: The Cure for White Ladies

Recommended to me by: RadiantFracture’s series about Native authors

This book is woven together with brief recurring scenes and thoughts and symbols from eight main characters, plus some geese and raccoons at the end. The characters are Native Michi Saagiig Nishnaabeg in Canada, like the author.

Official synopsis:

Mashkawaji (they/them) lies frozen in the ice, remembering the sharpness of unmuted feeling from long ago, finding freedom and solace in isolated suspension. They introduce the seven characters: Akiwenzii, the old man who represents the narrator’s will; Ninaatig, the maple tree who represents their lungs; Mindimooyenh, the old woman, their conscience; Sabe, a gentle giant, their marrow; Adik, the caribou, their nervous system; and Asin and Lucy, the humans who represent their eyes, ears, and brain.

The characters are formally introduced at the beginning, and then we see them up close as they go about their lives and interact with each other. Their lives weave in and around and through the invasive white people who have changed their world. The story is confusing on the surface, like a turning kaleidoscope, and makes a deeper kind of sense underneath.

Stories tell us how to live, how to see each other, how to care for each other. They point out when we are falling short. This book has layers of knowledge and wisdom that would reward rereading and study.

Recommended to take a step away from colonialism and toward Nishnaabeg ways of connecting with the world. The “cure for white ladies” in the subtitle is never directly addressed.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Care Of” by Ivan Coyote

July 17, 2021 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Subtitle: Letters, Connections, and Cures

Recommended to me by: Muccamukk

This book made me cry a lot in a good way, a heart-opening way. Ivan (they/them pronouns) says when they are about to go onstage to tell stories, first they imagine their chest opening right up so that the stories can come out of their heart to the audience, collect bits of the audience’s hearts and come back to Ivan.

When the pandemic hit, they were fortuitously at their partner’s home between gigs. There they stayed during pandemic lockdown, answering the special letters they had received over the years with stories and tidbits about lockdown life. The letters are vulnerably open, and the replies are warm, kind, loving. They touch on the loneliness and dangers of growing up trans, the need for mentors and safe community and chosen family when the larger community and blood family are intolerant and cruel.

Highly recommended.

Available at bookshop.org.