Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

psychology

“Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown

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Subtitle: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

This book recapitulates Brene Brown’s previous books The Gifts of Imperfection and I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) and adds material on vulnerability and worthiness as it applies to community, work, and parenting. This book feels more complete and at the same time less academic than the prior books. Her research supports her points rather than distancing from them.

Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. They don’t have better or easier lives, they don’t have fewer struggles with addiction or depression, and they haven’t survived fewer traumas or bankruptcies or divorces. (emphasis in the original)

The opposite of scarcity is enough, and we are already enough. Wholehearted living includes showing up and being vulnerable. Vulnerability is not weakness. There is no “get out of vulnerability free” card. Vulnerability is not the same as letting it all hang out.

The Viking-or-Victim worldview divides the world into winners and losers, and has very little room for vulnerability. The worldview is useful in life-threatening or traumatic situations, but prevents connection when the emergency is over.

The book touches on cruelty, how not to be cruel, and how to respond to cruelty. Our culture of narcissism is fed by shaming each other and avoiding vulnerability. As more of us become willing to be vulnerable and authentic, the hope is that bullying will diminish. I wish there were a more concrete, powerful answer.

The book encourages us to dare greatly and be vulnerable despite the fear and shame that arises. Vulnerability is the gateway to joy.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Belonging Here” by Judith Blackstone, Ph.D.

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Subtitle: A Guide for the Spiritually Sensitive Person

Judith Blackstone helps people get more present in their bodies to realize their spiritual goals. She specifically helps spiritually sensitive people. I hadn’t encountered that phrase before, but it fits with my ideas about sensitivity in general: permeability and attentiveness to the environment and surrounding people.

Her emphasis on lived experience rather than imagined visualizations resonates for me. Her process matches my intuition about going “down and in” rather than “up and out” to meet my spiritual self. She writes that the answer to permeability is to inhabit ourselves more fully, not attempt to wall ourselves off. “When we experience life from within the body rather than from its surface, we find that we can relax our protective vigilance to the world around us.”

She describes a set of exercises called the Realization Process and gives several examples of assisting people to do them.

The exercises start with getting present in one’s feet. Not just aware, but present. When I do that, it feels wonderfully like being a gorilla, walking around on my hands. I can get present in my legs while biking, and feel them alternately rising and pushing down.

Recommended for anyone who feels they don’t quite belong here and would like to feel more connected to their body and their life.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Saber es Poder” by Maxine Harris, Fabiana Wallis, Hortensia Amaro

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Subtitle: Modelo de Trauma y Recuperación para Mujeres Latinas

Translation: Knowledge is Power: Model of Trauma and Recovery for Latina Women

Recommended to me by: Fabiana Wallis’ bio at Conexiones

This book is a curriculum for a 25-session trauma recovery support group for Latina women. Since I hope to work with Conexiones Center for Trauma Recovery as a practitioner, my goal was to refresh my Spanish language skills and learn the vocabulary associated with trauma and recovery. It served that goal well.

The book also included specific information about Latino/a culture and issues for immigrants.

I read this book as both a practitioner helping people recover from trauma, and as a daughter of immigrants from Latin America who experienced trauma. I fit the target reader in some ways and not in others, especially since the book assumes a sharp separation between facilitators and group members.

The information was very basic, aimed at group participants who had never thought about trauma and its connection to present behaviors. There was recurring emphasis on the issues of drug use, prostitution, and unprotected sex. There was no discussion of the mechanisms of PTSD in the body.

In the various units, I saw identification of the damage wrought by trauma, but less help in building new skills than I expected. I imagine a woman reaching the end of the support group and thinking, “Now what?!” At the same time, I imagine that the opportunity to speak about past trauma and receive support would be healing in itself.

When used by knowledgeable and compassionate group facilitators, I think this book would form the basis for a useful, culturally aware support group for Latina survivors of abuse.

“Poppies on the Rubbish Heap” by Madge Bray

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Subtitle: Sexual Abuse, The Child’s Voice

Madge Bray shares her journey as a child advocate social worker, along with several abused children’s case histories. Woven through the book is the history of recognition and backlash around the sexual abuse of children. Madge Bray pioneered the use of toys and play therapy to elicit children’s stories and help them heal.

The toys include anatomically correct dolls, angry puppets, and a battery-operated rabbit that trembles silently. Madge Bray offers a neutral, welcoming space for the children to interact with the toys and find self-expression. She enters into their world rather than demanding that they communicate in adult ways.

The book is intense and riveting. It tells of catastrophic abuse from the wounded child’s perspective, as the child is heard and helped. It tells of victorious court battles as well as one story about a child whose parents withdrew him from therapy before he could tell his story.

Recommended as a look into social work with children in England, the realities of child sexual abuse, and the healing power of deep listening.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Radical Acceptance of Everything” by Ann Weiser Cornell

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Subtitle: Living a Focusing Life

Recommended to me by: Ann Weiser Cornell’s website

I bought this book because of my excitement about The Power of Focusing. I was not disappointed.

These essays by Ann Weiser Cornell and her working partner Barbara McGavin describe both the theory and practice of Inner Relationship Focusing, as well as some of the history behind its development. They show specific, concrete ways to radically accept everything, including Inner Critics, exiled parts, internal conflicts, and non-response.

I started reading the book on the train, but stopped because I was embarrassed to cry next to my seatmate. The tears came from recognition and longing. This is how I want to be heard, and how I want to hear others. This is how I want exiled parts of me to be welcomed home.

Highly recommended.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Power of Focusing” by Ann Weiser Cornell, Ph.D.

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Subtitle: A practical guide to emotional self-healing

Recommended to me by: Nancy Lebovitz

Eugene Gendlin discovered that the difference between successful and unsuccessful therapy lies in the client’s ability to pause and attend to something wordless inside, and get to know it better. He named this skill Focusing and began teaching it, developing a protocol of six steps.

Ann Weiser Cornell learned from Eugene Gendlin and began teaching workshops. She developed a variation called Inner Relationship Focusing which still has steps, but is less concerned with a strict protocol.

In this book, she introduces Focusing through client stories and teaches the skills involved with analogies and detailed instructions. The body’s felt sense is like a shy animal at the edge of the woods. We say hello, and wait. As trust is built, the felt sense comes closer and reveals more information. As it is heard, without judgment, it can change and release.

Focusing can be done alone, or with a Focusing partner who reflects back discoveries with gentle neutrality.
Focuser: “I don’t know what to call this feeling in my throat.”
Listener: “You’re feeling something in your throat.”

When there is a negative reaction to the felt-sense, attention turns to that reaction with interested curiosity.
Focuser: “I’d like to push this away.”
Listener: “Maybe you could say hello to that feeling of wanting to push this away.”

This book and the articles on Ann Weiser Cornell’s website are both highly recommended. This is the work I try to do, and the work I want others to do with me.

One of many articles on Ann Weiser Cornell’s website: The Radical Acceptance of Everything.

Available at bookshop.org.