Curious, Healing

Books about healing, business, and fun

“Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria” by Beverly Daniel Tatum, Ph.D.

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Subtitle: And Other Conversations About Race

Recommended to me by: Kate Nepveu’s article How to Discuss Race and Racism Without Acting Like a Complete Jerk

Dr. Tatum, a research psychologist and current President of Spellman College, answers the title question compassionately and thoroughly, creating a framework to think and talk constructively about race. She alternates between explanations of academic psychology in clear layperson’s language, engaging personal anecdotes, and stories from her research and teaching experience.

The Black kids are sitting together because being singled out as the representative of one’s race is exhausting. Because they share an understanding of the frequent subtle racist behavior around them. Because they are supporting one another as they develop their internal racial identities.

Psychologist William Cross’ theory of racial identity development:

  • pre-encounter – racial identity unexamined and stereotypes absorbed unquestioned
  • encounter – events force examination of the personal impact of racism
  • immersion/emersion – focus on developing racial identity, socializing with people of the same race
  • internalization – sense of security about one’s racial identity
  • internalization/commitment -taking action in the world to interrupt racism

Dr. Tatum explains:

Sometimes I find it helpful to compare this process to learning another language. The best way to learn a second language is to travel to a place where it is spoken and experience complete immersion. Once you have achieved the level of proficiency you need, you can leave. If you worked hard to become conversant, you will of course take pride in your accomplishment and will not want to spend time with people who disparage your commitment to this endeavor.

Development of a racial identity for Whites, White guilt, and the role of White anti-racist allies are also addressed, as well as racial identiy development for Latinos, biracial people, and others.

Highly recommended for anyone who is frustrated and confused about racism and wants clear, positive, hopeful information.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The New Basic Black: Home Training for Modern Times” by Karen Grigsby Bates and Karen Elyse Hudson

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Subtitle: A guide for gracious living that covers the essentials of black American traditions with updates for the new millennium

Recommended to me by: jesse-the-k on DreamWidth

This is a compendium of traditional etiquette advice (which fork to put where, how to put wedding invitations in the envelope), common sense advice for all (be on time for your restaurant reservations), and advice specifically for African-Americans (what to do when your restaurant reservation isn’t honored, or is dishonored with a poor table, when they see the color of your skin).

The tone is warm, inclusive, direct, and calm.

The feeling may be so subtle it’s hard for you to put a finger on – or so blatant you’re tempted to leave and call the NAACP – but a nagging sense of deja vu tells you you’re not just being paranoid.

If you feel you’ve been given a poor table, or are receiving poor service because you look different from the other diners, speak up. When you’re offered the offensive table, tell the maitre d’ firmly, “I’m sorry; this isn’t acceptable. We’d rather sit somewhere over there, please.” … If the matter isn’t resolved to your satisfaction, you may choose to leave and take your business elsewhere.

As a white daughter of an immigrant family, I noticed differences from my own “home training” with interest. More emphasis on “proper” clothing, and responsibility to extended family. A heartbreaking focus on how to behave at funerals for both elders and youth.

I also noticed where my unconscious stereotypes crept in. A small voice in the back of my mind was surprised at the section on how to treat household help, but of course busy African-Americans hire help!

There were parts of the book I skipped or skimmed (how to behave at church, how to dress for a formal wedding).

Recommended for people of any race who want to learn more about being a considerate, respected, respectful member of society. I think of etiquette in terms of keeping other people comfortable, but this book includes advice about expressing clear boundaries as well.

Available at biblio.com.

“Hereville: How Mirka Got Her Sword” by Barry Deutsch

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Subtitle: Yet Another Troll-Fighting 11-Year-Old Orthodox Jewish Girl

Recommended to me by: Barry Deutsch’s Alas, A Blog

A graphic novel set in an Orthodox Jewish town called Hereville, in a blended family with many girls and one little brother. The facial expressions and other details in the drawings are captivating – I read the book twice and noticed a lot that I’d missed the first time. The characters are realistic even while engaged in unrealistic adventures.

The strict rules of Orthodox Judaism are included in the story, with only the occasional pictorial editorial comment, such as the bored expressions of the youth having “vibrant, passionate discussions” on Shabbat. Yiddish terms are translated in footnotes.

The fantastic elements of witch encounters and troll fights contrast oddly with the Orthodox background, sibling arguments about reputation, and a step-mother’s efforts to manage a large family. The ending is decidedly unexpected.

Mirka is portrayed as reaching for a knife, sword, or tree-branch to violently solve her problems. She is also portrayed as being so immersed in Jewish culture that she didn’t recognize a pig when she saw one.

I’m not sure what to think of the book. It draws me in, and at the same time leaves me wondering if the author’s message is subtly derogatory toward Judaism. While I wouldn’t want to live in an Orthodox community myself, I don’t want to see one exposed to ridicule, either.

Barry Deutsch is a cartoonist in Portland, Oregon.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Totally Tolerant” by Diane Webber and Laurie Mandel

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Subtitle: Spotting and stopping prejudice

A brief, photo-filled book with concrete advice for teens on embracing diversity and overcoming prejudice.  Adults can benefit from this book as well.

As you can see on the cover, the photos strongly support the book’s message, showing people of a variety of skin colors, genders, and ethnicities.

Diversity is defined as difference.  Tolerance is defined as “respect for everyone’s religion, gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and social class.”  Stories about students from different backgrounds illustrate positive and negative experiences with tolerance and the effects they had.

From the back cover: “Everyone should at least make an attempt to stop bigotry.  Otherwise, other people suffer because you don’t have the guts to stand up for what you believe in.”  — Kevin, 14.

I’m encouraged to see the clear, positive approach this book takes toward spotting and stopping prejudice.  It addresses bullying as well.  I wish every teen (and every adult) would read and absorb its wisdom.

Available at biblio.com.

“Filter House” by Nisi Shawl

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Recommended to me by: emilytheslayer on LiveJournal because Nisi Shawl is one of WisCon’s 2011 guests of honor

“Filter House” is a collection of fantasy and science fiction short stories, written with exquisite integrity. I felt safe in the author’s hands as she portrays people of color, people of size, people with disabilities and other marginalized groups as whole, valuable people (what a thought!), without erasing the details of their experiences.

Some of the stories address dystopian futures where water is in short supply, reminding me of James Tiptree’s dystopian short stories.  Other stories playfully explore what it’s like to be a scholarly princess befriended by a marauding dragon, or to practice trance-possession on another planet.

Shawl’s other published book is “Writing the Other: A Practical Approach,” and I look forward to reading it as soon as I can track down a copy.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Imperfect Birds” by Anne Lamott

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Based on the title, I thought this would be a sequel to Lamott’s Bird by Bird, about the process of writing. Instead, it is a novel about teenage angst, drug-use, manipulation, and lies, and adult anxiety, denial, and tense sobriety. In each encounter, characters are described by weight and attractiveness, as if that’s what matters.

I kept putting the book down because the casual lying and drug-use got almost physically on my nerves, and picking it up again because I’d come to care about the characters in spite of myself. I did skip a chunk in the middle. In the end, there is a small hope for authenticity and responsibility.

I don’t know whether the narcissism in this book is wildly exaggerated or terrifyingly realistic. Either way, I don’t want to read about it.

Available at bookshop.org.