psychology

“The Emotion Code” by Dr. Bradley Nelson

November 17, 2015 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Subtitle: How to Release Your Trapped Emotions for Abundant Health, Love, and Happiness

Recommended to me by: a client

This is a marketing book for Dr. Nelson’s chiropractic and emotion-clearing practice, with lots of dramatically successful case studies, most of which I skimmed. It also includes some interesting self-help techniques.

The “sway test” is a form of muscle testing. Standing in a relaxed, stable position, say something obviously true, like, “My name is (your correct name)”, and wait to see how your body reacts. Then try it with something obviously false. “My name is Donald Duck.” The idea is that we sway forward for truth and things we like, and sway back for falsehoods and things we don’t like. It did seem to work this way for me.

Once you have a clear Yes and a clear No, you can use it to inquire into your subconscious.

The book recommends using it to find specific trapped emotions, possibly trapped in a wall around the heart, and clear them by passing a magnet over your head three times. I haven’t been convinced of the efficacy of treatment with magnets, but I tried it anyway. We’ll see if I get dramatically positive results over time!

Recommended if this level of “woo-woo” works for you, and you don’t mind (or enjoy) lots of dramatic success stories.

Available at bookshop.org.

“The Emotionally Absent Mother” by Jasmin Lee Cori, MS, LPC

November 17, 2015 by Sonia Connolly 2 Comments

Subtitle: a guide to self-healing and getting the love you missed

Recommended to me by: a client

This is a gently enlightening book. It talks about all the different roles a Good Mother plays (“yeah, yeah, I know”) and all the holes that result when those roles are missing (“yeah, yeah, I know”) … “Wait, those holes I’ve been managing all this time?!”

The ten facets of a Good Mother: source, place of attachment, first responder, modulator, nurturer, cheerleader, mentor, protector, home base.

The holes are left behind from missing one or more of these messages: I’m glad you’re here, I see you, you’re special to me, I respect you, I love you, your needs are important to me/I’m here for you, I’ll keep you safe, you can rest in me, I enjoy you/you brighten my heart.

The book has a clear, accessible discussion of attachment styles and attachment wounds. It was odd to see Disorganized Attachment passed over, possibly because this book is written for children of neglectful rather than abusive mothers.

Recommended healing techniques include psychotherapy, archetypes, romantic relationships, and inner child work. One suggested exercise is to trade safe, nonsexual holding with a friend. Just hold the other person for a set time, perhaps as long as 20 minutes, and then swap roles.

There is carefully inclusive language around “mothers and other caretakers (of any gender)”, although it is also clear that this is primarily about mothers.

I’ve recommended this book to a lot of clients in the last couple of weeks! I think it’s an enlightening read for anyone. Even if you had a great mother, odds are some of the people close to you didn’t, and this will help make sense of their experience.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Healing Developmental Trauma” by Laurence Heller, PhD and Aline LaPierre, PsyD

March 17, 2015 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Subtitle: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship

The first section of this book is focused on analysis and categorization. It describes five adaptive survival styles in response to developmental ruptures in connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love and sexuality. I found this part dry and off-putting, and skimmed through it.

The second section narrows the focus to the connection adaptive style in response to very early trauma, abuse, and neglect. It describes physiological responses to trauma and shares several transcripts of therapy sessions. This section was much more engaging and useful. The therapeutic style is named NeuroAffective Relational Model, abbreviated NARM throughout.

Therapists are recommended to be non-judgmental, present, authentic, gentle, and attuned with the client. Careful tracking of the client’s responses allows alternation between expansion and contraction, with emphasis on positive expansion. Anger and aggression are recognized as natural, necessary responses to trauma. Unresolved defensive-orienting responses to trauma linger in tension around the eyes and narrowed field of vision, so working with eyes and gaze is useful. Therapeutic touch is a resource to repair early neglect.

Recommended as an introduction to the differences between shock trauma and developmental trauma, with some body-centered and client-centered techniques to help.

Available at bookshop.org.

“Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga” by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper

February 12, 2015 by Sonia Connolly 1 Comment

Subtitle: Reclaiming Your Body

Recommended to me by: a client

This book is divided into three parts: a general introduction to the history of trauma treatment and PTSD, a suggested yoga practice for traumatized people, illustrated with photographs, and suggestions for offering trauma-sensitive yoga for clinicians and yoga teachers.

Throughout the book, it is clear that these people get it. They emphasize choice, empowerment, and reconnecting with the body. From Stephen Cope’s foreword: “Sometimes we encounter experiences that so violate our sense of safety, order, predictability, and right, that we feel utterly overwhelmed […]. Unable to bear reality. We have come to call these shattering experiences trauma.”

Trauma involves being helpless to avoid pain. In trauma-sensitive yoga, students are repeatedly encouraged to change postures if they are painful, and instructions emphasize choice and control over their own bodies. Students are encouraged to attend to their own experience, rather than trying to get postures “right”.

There were two instructions in the book that seemed less well-attuned to traumatized yoga students. One is to “lift the crown of the head,” without explaining how to find a balanced upright posture for the head. The other is to “hug in and around the lower belly” to activate core muscles. Many traumatized people chronically clench their bellies already.

Trauma-sensitive yoga classes move slowly to give students time to connect with their physical experience. “Physical assists” (touching students) is done rarely, with permission, and with careful attention to possible triggering effects. Thought is given to the props available – many trauma survivors find straps triggering because of having been restrained, so the book suggests not having straps in the room.

“In teaching trauma-sensitive yoga, the job of the yoga teacher is not to create artificial challenges—many of our students have already challenged themselves more than we may ever know just by showing up. The work of the teacher is to cultivate enough safety so that students can challenge themselves as they are ready, and in ways they feel safe.”

Highly recommended for its compassionate approach to anyone dealing with trauma or traumatized people.

Available at bookshop.org.

“I Am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help!” by Xavier Amador, PhD

December 25, 2014 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Subtitle: How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment

Recommended to me by: a friend with a mentally ill relative

This is a book about how to communicate better with people with mental illnesses involving psychosis like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. The focus is on getting people to accept psychoactive drugs when they don’t believe they are ill.

Rather than assuming non-compliant patients are immature, defensive, stubborn, or oppositional, Xavier Amador documents that poor insight into being mentally ill is a symptom of being ill itself. People carry their self-image from before becoming ill and don’t update it to match their new reality. Anosognosia is the official diagnosis for lacking self-awareness of a disability.

He also presents research that early and consistent use of medications leads to better long-term outcomes than longer periods of untreated psychosis. My intuition says that there may be correlation rather than causation there.

Rather than arguing with someone about whether they are ill and need medications, Amador proposes the LEAP protocol: Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner. Listen to what the person has to say, ask questions to clarify, and reflect it back, even if it is delusional. Empathize with the underlying emotions. Find places of agreement. Partner to meet common goals, such as avoiding repeated hospitalizations. Be an ally rather than an adversary. Recognize the person’s autonomy.

Reflective listening can be difficult when we have an urgent agenda, especially when we believe someone is delusional. It’s easy to believe we are listening reflectively while being patronizing instead, which undermines all attempts at creating an alliance.

Make it safe – Apologize for past attempts at coercion and indicate an intention to listen. It will take time to rebuild trust.
Know your fears – Many people fear worsening or joining in delusions if they are not immediately contradicted.
Stop pushing your agenda – Drop attempts to be in control. The agenda is to listen and learn.
Let it be – Don’t fan the flames of conflict. Don’t try to impose order on disordered thinking.
Respect what you’ve heard – Reflect back without comment or criticism.
Find workable problems – Find out how they see their problems, and help them address them.
Write the headlines – Listen for what is most important, and underlying themes.

Delay giving opinions, especially about whether the person has a mental illness and needs drugs. Say things like, “I’ll answer that, but first I want to hear more about how you’re feeling.” When giving an opinion, Apologize, Acknowledge, Agree. Apologize for having an opinion that may be hurtful to hear. Acknowledge that it is only an opinion and could be wrong. Agree to disagree. Above all, acknowledge that the person is in charge of their own body and will be making the final decisions about taking meds when not in the hospital.

Recommended for the respectful communication skills, with the caveat that this book emphatically advocates for meds, with one brief paragraph about the benefits of intensive therapy instead.

Available at biblio.com.

“Knots” by R.D. Laing

December 14, 2014 by Sonia Connolly Leave a Comment

Recommended to me by: David Mitchell

These are the knots of human relationships, stripped down to their raw bones, layered like acrostic puzzles into brief poems. It starts with parent-child relationships, and moves on to (presumably) romantic relationships, indicated by dialogues between Jack and Jill.

There is no untangling in this little book; just knots. I’m not sure these are the sort of knots that are helped by awareness. They may just be pulled tighter. The book came up in the context of complementary schismogenesis, when two people (or groups) get more and more polarized in their roles. That can sometimes be interrupted with awareness and consciously adopting the opposite qualities.

Jill I’m ridiculous

Jack No you are not

Jill I’m ridiculous to feel ridiculous when I’m not.
You must
be laughing at me
for feeling you are laughing at me
if you are not laughing at me

Available at bookshop.org.